When I was little, my mom’s favorite song was "The First Cut Is The Deepest" by Sheryl Crow. I never truly understood what that meant.
I think I understand now.
To me, it means your first cut, whether it is the end of a love or of a friendship, is the worst. It's a defining moment in your life. It's monumental. Like a right of passage. You have to lose your first love, and a friendship, to understand.
It's a loss like no other. Because the person is still living, but you miss them like they are dead. Because to you, they are.
It is the cut maybe we will never fully recover from. Maybe it is the cut that we find ourselves remembering, reminiscing and wondering what could have been. Did our friendship end too soon? Was our love meant to last?
Maybe this cut is what we will compare all our future loves or all our friendships too. Maybe this one person is someone you will find yourself thinking of, wondering how they are, knowing you don’t have the right to know anymore. Maybe it pains you to see them moving on. But I hope that in time, it makes you happy to see them smile, to see them happy, even if it is with someone else.
To know how they are doing. Or if everything, all the plans you talked about, all their dreams and desires are working out for them. But you can’t ask. Not anymore, it’s not your place. It’s someone else’s, their new best friend, their new love. But you can always wonder and you probably always will. I know I will.
“The first cut is the deepest.”
So, to my first cuts, all the friendships and the ones I have loved and lost along the way, I hope you find it, I hope you find everything you're looking for and so much more. I hope you love someone like I loved you. I hope you find as great of a friendship as we had, full of laughs and love.
And I hope you remember me, always. The best moments we had, I hope you cherish them. I hope you look back fondly at all we taught one another. I hope you think of me, and I hope you smile, one day at least. I hope you tell your kids about me and I hope I’m the one who set the bar high. I hope I’m the one you look back on and wonder about.
Most of all, I hope you find something or someone, who makes you as happy as you made me.
I hope you find it. What you’re looking for.
