For years, I've suffered with anxiety and depression. For many this is a taboo topic, and as understandable as that may seem - it's time to speak out. Too many college students are suffering with the same terrible duo.
Last year, I hit my rock bottom. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't something I wanted to share with anyone, but now that I'm in a better place it's time to share.
I wrote this poem one week during that time period. I've kept it in my side table, and I stare at it when I'm feeling like slipping up again. It helps remind me that there is light at the end of the tunnel -- you just have to dig out.
My heart races when the alarm goes off.
It's not because it woke me up so harshly,
but because it signifies a new day.
A day that signifies I'm not free.
This is an everyday occurrence that cannot be stopped.
Alarm goes off, heart races, day starts.
Emotions fly and tensions soar.
It's a vicious cycle that cannot be restarted.
Sometimes I think of ending it all,
Not being able to wake one morning.
Realizations hit me before I make a move.
I can't leave. Not with what it would bring.
Not waking up means so much wrong.
It would mean leaving loved ones behind
The thought of that brings more fears
Fears that can't leave a sane mind.
My mom, my dad, my sister, my brother..
The four people in my life that mean the world to me
What would happen if I was gone?
Would I be free?
A loaded question with a loaded answer.
The easy way out isn't easy.
It's a complicated way out.
The thought almost makes me queasy.
I am better than these thoughts that fill my mind.
I am needed and wanted in this universe,
Despite what lies fill my thoughts.
Every lie is a curse.
My sister, my brother, my mom, my dad,
These are the four people that need me,
Just as I need them.
With them I am free.
The Bible is the only Word that I need to listen to.
These thoughts are hard to ignore,
But the hope is there.
Because hope is the cure.
Hope makes me free.
This is one of the hardest things I've ever shared, but I hope you find some hope in this as I do. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.
