Dear My Younger Self,
I am not honest. I am not truthful. I am a hypocrite. I am a liar.
I’m afraid I may have misled you. I’m worried that my words aren’t correctly displaying my actions. I write and speak honestly about others with ease, but have a hard time acting and speaking honestly about myself. It’s an abstract action, isn’t it? Owning up to your mistakes and what you do incorrectly. You don’t think about it until you are caught and your values are questioned. When you tell a lie or act deceitful, be prepared for the broadcast. Be prepared to answer the question, “Why would you do this?” Be prepared to lose respect. Be prepared to be left behind.
It’s easy to call yourself honest. It is so simple to declare that you, you, are a law-abiding, outright, proper, and honest citizen, or partner, or friend. You could also declare yourself knighted by the Queen of England, or you could declare that your latte have a free additional shot because you need eighty cents to pay for laundry that week. But you cannot declare yourself honest. It’s easy to lie, too. It is the quickest flick of tongue, whether to spare the feelings of others, or embellish on your biggest selling point. But, why do we partake in this particular pastime when the only result is putting others in pain?
Because the truth is raw. Being honest means skinning yourself alive — willingly — and placing your remains on display to be examined and circulated. It means showing who you truly are, what you value, what you cherish, and what you hold close to the most vulnerable part about you — your heart. Key word: vulnerable. I understand the fear. I have lived in the fear of being honest for years. The possible repercussions of being honest and opening up could be unfavorable. What if they didn’t like who you really are? What if they don’t like the same things as you? What would happen if one person didn’t like you? I’m here to tell you it doesn’t matter. All of those what if’s, all of the care and consideration you put towards making sure other people like you, does not matter. What matters is being yourself. What matters is the person you are when you are honest.
I am not honest. I am not truthful. The best of us aren’t. But there is still time.
