Disney Has Ruined Modern Romance

Disney Has Ruined Modern Romance

Your true love isn't going to appear magically before your eyes.

For all of the Disney loving fans out there, this next statement will probably upset you: Disney has killed romance. Well, maybe "killed" is too harsh. Disney has ruined romance. But how can Disney ruin romance when it practically invented it? How can Cinderella, Snow White, The Little Mermaid and all the other classic movies be bad for romance? The simple answer is that in real life, it doesn't work that way.

The long story is that it sets up a poor model for honest and true romance, with lofty and unrealistic expectations on what love is and how two people do fall in love. It reinforces the model that a man has to earn the right to be with a "good" woman, and a "good" woman is only good if she has a man trying to prove his worth to her.

This creates a dilemma for both men and women. Women are taught that if a man isn't trying to impress her, isn't trying to win over her love by showing how heroic he is or how worthy of her love he is, then something must be wrong with her. For if no man is willing to go to the ends of the earth for her and win her approval, then something must be flawed about her.

For the man, he feels as though he must do everything to win her approval. He has to do something that stands out, something that is heroic in her eyes, and only then will he receive the stamp of approval from her. The power is in the woman's hand. This creates the model that women believe that true love comes from the knight in shining armor that will sweep her off her feet and the man has to live up to that.

But here is the problem: in the real world, that isn't attractive. That's why this plot is reserved for movies. Sure, it is romantic, but it is not realistic. Why? Because this type of behavior for men is needy. Men feel like they need to do everything for the woman in order to get the woman to fall for them. They have to buy her a drink, they have to show her his monetary possessions, they have to go to the places she wants to go and do the activities she wants to do. The man believes that he must do what she wants to do because that will make her most happy. He has no boundaries. He becomes a push-over. And what is so attractive about a push-over? Nothing really.

True romance comes from a deep emotional connection between partners. It is a mutual understanding between both partners. The woman does not decide whether the man wins her over; there is no stamp of approval in real romance. Attractive behavior is not about trying to impress someone over. It comes from knowing one's individual wants and desires and trying to find someone who has similar wants and desires.

When that happens, a deeper emotional bond can blossom, which can turn into authentic romance. Even if a man finds a woman attractive or vice versa, if there is not an emotional spark between the two, a truly attractive person will have the strength to walk away from that situation and continue looking for someone more compatible. He or she has boundaries that prevent needy behavior that comes from trying to force another to like him or her.

If Disney has one idea right, it may be that there is the perfect person out there for you. Your "soulmate" is out there. However, you will never find him or her by trying to impress someone, or waiting for him to sweep you off your feet. He or she will not magically appear before your eyes. Know the type of person you want and go after them.

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10 Essentials For A Writer-Friendly Coffee Shop

The best and most inspiring coffee shops all have a story.

Living in 2018 is pretty great. Not for the technology (although, it’s nice as well), not for the politics (ha ha ha), and not for the possibility of self-driving cars in the near future (honestly terrifying). No, I’m happy to live in 2018 because of a single trend: coffee shops.

Coffee shops are the THING now! And in the small college town I live in, there’s one on literally every corner. My absolutely ideal afternoon is one spent in a coffee shop. I love coffee and I love cozy spaces, so they’re pretty much perfect. As a writer, coffee shops have played a large role in my productivity as well. After visiting many different coffee shops, I’ve compiled a list of what makes one the most optimally writer-friendly.

1. Fascinating characters

Some of my best dialogue has come from overheard coffee shop conversations, no joke. I’m not sure what it is about them, but sitting in coffee shops makes people talk like they’re in a private living room. What does this mean? Intimate dialogue perfect for insertion in your latest story.

2. Trustworthy baristas

You know those baristas I’m talking about. The ones who remember your regular order, suggest new and adventurous drinks or give you an extra shot of espresso for free. Once you find them, stick with ‘em.

3. Good music

At my hometown coffee shop, Groundhouse, I can always tell which baristas are on duty if I listen to the music. ‘80s rock playlist? It’s the high school guy's shift! Soft indie? It’s my friend Eden! Acoustic covers? Groundhouse’s owner! Some of my favorite music has been discovered in coffee shops as well. I’m constantly lifting my phone to my mouth and discreetly asking Siri “what song is this?”

4. Insta-worthy aesthetics

Because if it’s not on Instagram, did you really drink coffee? (no. the answer is no.)

5. Big coffee mugs

If you’re spending $3.50 on a latte, it better be worth it. You’re not here to play around.

6. Comfy chairs

Because you’re going to be at the coffee shop for a while, writing thousands of words and getting chapters slammed out. Trust me, I know from experience it’s better to sit in a comfy chair during those thousands of words.

7. A background story

So the best and most inspiring coffee shops all have a story. Maybe they were started by a starving college student 10 years ago. Maybe it’s a family business. Maybe it’s owned by two brothers who wear beanies. Whatever the story, it’s gotta have a good one.

8. A favorite drink

(Chai tea latte, always and forever!)

9. Outlets

If you’re there for hours, the electronics will need juice.

10. Good tea

For the British-inspired days.

What else do you look for in a writer-friendly coffee shop?

*read this post and more written by young authors on the Project Canvas blog!* Project Canvas is a book of writing advice and motivation | 60 contributors from 9 countries... learn more!

Cover Image Credit: Olivia Rogers

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Saying Farewell to "The Fosters"

Thank you for giving representation to those who feel voiceless.

"The Fosters" first aired in 2013 on Freeform, back when the channel was still called ABC Family. Five years and 100 episodes later, it's time to say goodbye.

For months fans of this hit television show took to Twitter circulating the hashtag #RenewTheFosters trying to give the show one more season. Sadly, in January it was announced that the show would end this summer with a "three episode finale."

In short, "The Fosters" revolves around a family of many kids (many who have been adopted) and their moms, Lena and Steph. Each episode follows the family and various struggles that are currently taking place within society; recently, part of the show's plot focused on immigration and the flaws within the system.

From day one, "The Fosters" has represented unconditional love and diversity, something that the fan base has cherished. Various ethnic backgrounds, gender identities, and personal struggles have been brought to the forefront during this show's five year run.

Even though the Farewell Season has begun, it's been announced that there will be a spin-off show following Mariana and Callie, two of the main characters.

"The Fosters" will truly be missed as it gave representation to those who feel most voiceless. The show has made a lasting impact on its viewers and the television industry; from this, hopefully other shows will take the initiative to incorporate more diversity into their cast and characters.

Tune in on Tuesdays at 8 p.m. EST on Freeform to watch the Farewell Season.

Cover Image Credit: TV Guide

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