Second semester of college feels more like a brand new school year. New friends, new classes, new things to get involved in, a fresh start. For me, it's a lot better and more fun than last semester was in many ways, but it's a lot harder in ways that I've never experienced before.

I love being busy. I love having things to do, places to be, and events to fill my planner with. But this semester I may have overcommitted just a little. I'm always either in class, doing homework, studying, or in meetings for the two big extracurricular programs I'm a part of this semester. All while trying to balance a social life somewhere in there. The things I'm involved in have given me great new friends and have been such a big blessing in my life, but because I'm always doing things, I've been feeling like all my close friends from last semester are turning into strangers — I feel like I don't know what's going on in their lives and I'm not a part of their friend groups or inside jokes or I'm not invited when they all hangout because they just assume I'm busy. Even though 90 percent of the time their assumption is correct, when I do have free time I have nowhere and no one to go to. I've never really had FOMO (fear of missing out) before, but FOMO is very real and very painful. It's all the things that you think about yourself played out right in front of you. "You're not cool, so that's why you didn't get invited", "You're not as good of a friend to them as you think you are", "You're not that important to them and that's why they don't bother to ask you," or the one I've been hearing in my head the most often, "You're just not good enough."

This is the first time I've had to deal with FOMO, second semester in college, and still feeling like a stranger in a city and state I've had to call home even when it doesn't feel like home yet all at once. Those who I considered my best friends last semester have opposite schedules from me and I am back where I was in high school- knowing people but being completely alone in reality. Feeling lonely in a room full of friends. Feeling completely out of the loop. It's a pretty dark place to be in.

I wish I could tell you things get better. But right now I'm still feeling those feelings and it doesn't feel like it's going to get better any time soon. The thing is, I know it gets better, it's not the first time I overbooked myself, felt left out and/or alone. I know I'm going to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon, and sometimes that's the only thing keeping me moving. It's all part of God's plan and He will use the pain and the struggle to bring glory to Him and to show us how He delivers.

Seasons of life come and go as quickly as time seems to pass when you're having fun. I know this sad part of my life will go away soon and I'll be back to having a great community around me, and I hope that if someone out there is feeling the same way and reads this, they will be reminded and encouraged that there will be brighter days.