Like most high school seniors, I was thrilled when I got my acceptance letter to my school of choice. It was just far enough away so I could feel independent, but close enough to home that I could come back for the occasional weekend and breaks. Best of all, it was a state school and I got in-state tuition.
But then my mom got a job transfer.
Not just any transfer, but one that sent her to Guam, a small island past Hawaii on the other side of the world.
I was used to my dad being far away; he’s lived in California since my parents divorced in 1997. But my mom and I have always been close. It’s been the two of us through everything: Several moves, the worst breakup of my life, the AP stats class that threatened to break me, crazy family members and everything in between.
This job transfer meant that she would now be in a time zone 14 hours ahead of mine on the other side of the globe. The best mom I could ever have asked for was going to be a 23-hour plane ride away.
I didn’t know how to take the news when she first broke it. I was excited for her, at first.
I knew she hated where she was at her current job, and the change of scenery would do wonders for her. Especially on a tropical island living 10 feet from the beach.
The very next thing I felt was terror. How in the hell was I supposed to go through college without her? Where would I live? Who would I spend the short breaks with? I couldn’t fly to Guam for a four day weekend, or even to California to be with my dad for that matter. Was I really supposed to just go off on my own at 18 years old?
That summer was hectic. I had to pack my entire room and divide the boxes into two piles: What I was taking to college and what would be shipped to Guam with my mom.
She left the weekend she dropped me off at school. We drove the few hours to Frostburg, and she and my step-dad stayed long enough to set up my dorm, take me shopping for a little bit of food and extra supplies, and take me to lunch.
Then they got into the car and drove to the hotel. They got on a plane the next day to Guam.
It was incredibly hard to adjust to this style of living. Friends go home for the weekend to see their pets and their parents and enjoy a home-cooked meal.
I have never had that luxury as long as I have been at college.
To see my mom and my dogs, I have to wait until winter or summer break and get on a plane to an island on the other side of the globe. I can never just hop in my car and go home for a long weekend.
Over long weekends or short breaks, I bounce around to different friends’ houses who are kind enough to let me have the extra bedroom for a few days. I love them for that, more than they know. I was extremely fortunate to make the friends I made at college—friends whose parents are as amazing as they are.
Of course, my friends are sympathetic, offering me their homes and families over shorter holidays just so I’m not alone. While I appreciate that more than they will ever know, spending Thanksgiving or Easter with someone else’s family is just not the same. My family has our little traditions just like everyone else’s, and not doing them is hard.
To add another level of hardships, my second year in college I was a Resident's Assistant (RA). This meant I got my dorm room and meal plan for free, but it also meant that I couldn’t place a permanent address. I have my mailing address listed as my dorm, but to keep my in-state tuition, I had to have a Maryland residence listed as my home address. I listed it as the friend I stayed with over the shorter breaks.
Most college students take their long weekend’s home for granted. When they have a bad week or flunk a test they know they can drive home and see their parents, get a good meal and feel better. I wish I had that. I wish I could see my dogs when I have a particularly stressful week, or let my mom fuss over how little sleep I’m getting and lecture me about my classes.
While it has been the biggest challenge of my college career, living without a permanent home base has also benefitted me hugely. I have learned a sense of independence I never would have gotten from any other experience. I don’t have my mom here to handle doctor’s appointments, unfair professors, or car troubles. I have to take care of those things myself.
Plus, because of all the trips I’ve taken to see her, I can navigate an airport like a pro.
Another bonus: My mom lives on a tropical island. Going to see her is a vacation in every sense of the word. We go snorkeling and drive around the island with the windows down. We eat amazing food, we catch up on all the things we’ve missed over the semester, and generally we have a great time.
Seeing her as little as I do has really made me appreciate the time I do get with her, perhaps more than most college students. My mom is an amazing woman and going to see her over winter break is always the highlight.
Overall, not having a home to go to over the weekends sucks, and it was really rough my first year. But I have learned to adjust, and I am a better person because of it.
And by the way, Mom, if you’re reading this, I love you, and I’m so glad you’re having a blast over there. I am, too, so don’t worry about me. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me over the years, and now it’s your turn to do this for yourself.
