Christmas, the happiest time of the year to some, but to others it can be really freaking hard. Family, presents, endless amounts of desert, and a morning filled with smiles (hopefully).The holidays in general are beyond stressful, weather it be making sure you get the perfect gift, or making sure your cookies you make will satisfy Santa.. well to those who are missing someone special on Christmas morning, we all know it might be the hardest holiday of the year, well at least for me it is.
Lately, I've been struggling with keeping my emotions in check because everything during the holidays reminds me of my dad. It's like once it hit October, I had too mentally prepare for the emotional roller coaster my brain was about to take me on till everything is over. Some days its just easy and you feel like your normal self and when I say normal, I mean normal in the way that there's still that missing piece in your heart but when the hard days hit, you don't know where your emotions are going to take you.
Here's the truth, it's not all rainbows and butterflies during the holidays, it's stressful, it's emotional, and it's just really freaking hard, because the only thing you want under the Christmas tree, is the loved one not sitting next to you. I'm sure I speak for many who are feeling how I feel, but do you just have nothing to put on your list because that's the only thing you want?
This will be the third Christmas without you. The third Christmas without our traditions, without giving you bright new tennis shoes, but sadly it's another year of being reminded you aren't here. You think it would get somewhat easier but lately it's just been way harder. It's like once the holiday's hit, my brain shuts down and all I can think about is you. I get so jealous and upset because all I see is family's celebrating together with their loved ones and all I can think about is I will never have that again. t's hard to come to realization that my dad and I won't be doing our annual Christmas Eve shopping or the camera not being in the face of all of us Christmas morning... It's hard when you can see it on the rest of your family's faces when we're all thinking the same thing, "I wish dad was here."It's honestly just hard.
I still catch myself picking out gifts for my dad, I get him an ornament every year of his favorite things, I try to wait till Christmas Eve to finish shopping because for some reason it gets me through knowing he is probably right next to me giving me the energy to get through it. Dad, thank you for showing me what Christmas is all about while I had you. Thank you for teaching me how to ski, so I always have something to do if there's snow. Thank you for recording the memories even when I yelled at you to stop. Thank you for trying on all your presents as you got them and ripping the tags off before knowing if it fit. Thank you for always going over the top each year and being the ultimate Santa. Thank you for making me realize what's truly important about the holidays, family. I wish nothing more than to have you here, but good thing you taught us how to do Christmas right because your traditions will live on forever.
I think all of us missing a loved one are doing their best during the Holidays. Like I said, this is the third Christmas without my dad and I have been trying to write this article for weeks but I am just now getting the strength to finish.. and what do you know it's Christmas Eve. We're all trying to include the one's we've lost, we're trying to get through the days, we're trying to not burst out crying when you know you can't get what you want, we're trying our best to keep our emotions in check, but all we can do is try our best. So go easy on yourself, cry when you miss them, surround yourself with the memories and traditions, be vulnerable, and keep going because you aren't alone during the Holiday's.
Family is the best gift I have ever received, and we will always be wishing Dad was with us.
Merry Christmas Daddy, I love you always.