With the holidays rolling around, here are a few things to keep with you at all times:

1. Generic gifts for the people you forgot to shop for.

It could be homemade cookies, an air freshener, or a knitted scarf. The key is to find something that appears thoughtful, yet is universally appreciated by most anyone.

2. Ear plugs.

For when "Silent Night" is played for sixth time in two hours on the radio.

3. Antacids.

After a glorious christmas feast involving ham, potatoes and gluttony, you'll be thankful for some fast-acting heartburn and indigestion relief.

4. Abandonment of personal boundaries: useful for the inevitable instance of Aunts, Uncles, and/or grandparents trying to kiss you on the lips.

5. A rehearsed reply for when relatives ask what what school you're attending, your relationship status and if you're doing a sport.

6. Prepared excuses to leave a social gathering unexpectedly.

This is useful in a variety of situations, including boring Christmas parties, when attending a production of "The Nutcracker" or when your mom brings up your plans after college.

7. Infinite patience.

This is especially useful at the mall when you and every other human being on the continent are Christmas shopping.

8. Charity work: to relieve the first-world guilt of buying and receiving an abundance of products that reflect your excessive consumerism.

9. Basic fire escape planning: since fire hazards decorate almost every surface, including candles, christmas lights and spruce trees that shed needles all over the living room floor.

10. Snow pants: so you can participate in outdoor winter activities and look ridiculous.

11. A verbal filter, so you don't accidentally tell your baby cousins that Santa doesn't exist.

12. A rehearsed expression of surprise and excitement for opening gifts.

This allows you to convincingly feign enthusiasm no matter how irrelevant your presents are.

Gotta love the holidays. Merry Christmas!