I'm 18 and sad. I'm 18 and young and so confused. Why am I so sad? I have so much life to live and so much time on my hands. I haven't yet reached the burden of bills or age and I haven't been touched by the trials of marriage or of loss of time. I'm 18 and young and so confused. Why am I so confused? Sure, I have classes and the whole tug and pull of trying to figure out what to do with my life. I still have my family with me, I still have youth on my side, and I still have so much time to be sad and upset. Too much time.
So, really, why am I 18, so stressed and so sad? Why am I so lost in my own head and why am I so confused? I have spent so much time with my heart set on holding the entire world when I turn 18 and no clue on how to become a stable young adult. I have put so much pressure on everything I wanted to do when I turned 18 and now here I am, holding the universe on my two shoulders and I can't handle the weight. The truth is: I was completely unprepared for the drastic change of adulthood. I was not emotionally or mentally ready to plunge into adultness and the necessary things that come with that. I wasn't ready for freedom and for classes that required more than just turning in all of my assignments and I wasn't ready to have to push for friendships. I wasn't ready for waking up later and for going to sleep whenever I felt like it, I wasn't prepared for not seeing my mom every day and my best friends every weekend and Lord knows I was unprepared to try and keep up a long distance relationship. I was vastly unprepared to be the girl that had her life together and I am doing my absolute best to try and cope with that fact now.
Of course, there are days when I wake up and question if this is all I ever wanted; if 16-year-old me would be happy with what current me is doing and how I could be different if I was much more prepared the stark reality hit. A lot of things have changed that I wish I could return to and in the same breath, I am so thankful for the things that have changed.
Whether it be experiencing my first election that I could vote in, experiencing my first college party, meeting new people or just being an 18 year old that can get a tattoo whenever my heart desires and money allows, I have been able to realize that I am allowed to be a totally different person. I am allowed to live and to experience, but I will not change my morals or what I believe is ethically correct because the world is pushing down on my shoulders.
I have forgotten to write for myself. I have become 18 and busy and I have forgotten to write for myself and caught up writing for a company. This is one of the many things I have forgotten to do for myself because the universe is pushing against my back. This is step one to making this weight a little lighter.
