WARNING: This post is basically a written confession of ways that I failed people. If you don't want to self-reflect with me, turn back now!!

Recently, I was watching a music video in my class about people who feel trapped by their sins. The video shows pictures of these people behind bars with a crime on it and the look of despair on their faces. Then, as they look at these condemning pictures of themselves, a little girl shows up and snaps a picture of them with a Polaroid camera. She hands them the snapshot and suddenly a new picture shows up. This new picture shows the person smiling and looking much lighter than the former photograph they were looking at. All of this happens while "Beautiful Things" by Gungor plays in the background.

As I watched this video, I was struck by emotion that nearly brought me to tears but not for the reason you might expect. I am a firm believer in the redemptive power of Jesus when we have entered into a relationship with Him, but today I realized that while I believe this is true, sometimes I am working more for the enemy than for the Kingdom.

There is an individual I know that I haven't always liked in the past. This person has hurt people, has done things that are manipulative, and I don't trust them to be completely honest. Recently though, this person has done things that are good. They seem to have more light in their life--something I should celebrate. But rather than be happy and celebrating this wonderful news, I have been upset about it; I resent them for trying to make changes. To be totally transparent with you, I think the reason for this is because I like to sit up straighter and higher on my moral pedestal than others. Looking down on their behaviors makes me feel like a better Christian. I also have grown cynical to the idea that people can change-- what an awful way to view humanity, especially when I claim to believe in the Great Redeemer of the world!

So now, reflecting on the video I mentioned earlier, when I watched this video it hit me: I am condemning this person. I am helping the enemy. This thought broke my heart; how could I? If I claim to believe in redemption and have been redeemed myself, how dare I not offer the same to someone else! It shouldn't matter what grudges I have against them. Of course it's not my grace that they require, it is God's but I am called to "forgive as I have been forgiven":

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

And if that weren't obvious enough, we are meant to love our neighbor and there are clear expectations for how to do that:

"5. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 5-7

What particularly sticks out to me is "it keeps no record of wrongs" and it "does not delight in evil," both of which I was doing. I do not think that my thoughts alone affect the outcome of a situation or someone's life, but I do believe that as a follower of Jesus, I have authority over the devil and his scheming. God has been talking a lot to me about holding people captive in my own mind either through gossip or cynicism; this not only hurts them but it hurts me too because I'm giving the devil a foothold to my own mind.

So maybe, instead of scoffing every time this person makes a bad choice and rejoicing in that evil, I could pray for God's grace over them and light to enter the darkness. Or when they DO do something good I shouldn't remember all their wrongs of the past. My grudges and scoffs only affirm the enemy's lies, they do not seek their protection or offer any hope for Christ's redemptive love over them.

I do not want to take part in keeping that person condemned anymore. I want to join in God's redemption of their life. I want them to be free. I want to celebrate light entering their life. I am making a choice to not punish people for their mistakes. Our prayers have more power than our scoffs and grudges. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit convicts so I don't have to. It isn't my job. I am called to love them, so it's about time I throw out the notebook with the list of their wrongs and to start rejoicing in the truth of their real identity and to start seeking their protection from the enemy, and to trust that God is working in them, and to hope for their future and to persevere in these things even when they do make a mistake.

It is time to free people from the jail cell of our judgement and condemnation and to start loving as a brother or sister should. It is time to have some grace for others just as Christ has had grace for us.