Every year I look forward to Jimmy Kimmel’s annual “Hey Jimmy Kimmel I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy” video of parents pranking their kids by claiming that they ate all of their Halloween candy. Kimmel’s Halloween tradition is so ridiculously funny that you disregard how cruel it actually is. What else do you possibly love and cherish more as a 7-year-old than your precious treasure of Halloween candy that you fervently and perseveringly knocked on every door in your neighborhood to collect? Nothing. Apparently, not even your own mom as displayed by the young boy in the backseat of the car that threatens to the woman who brought him into this world, “I don’t ever want to see you ever again.” He is just one the few of the favorites from this year’s prank. Here are some more highlights:
The kid who pretends to collapse out of complete and utter shock. Now we know that in a fight or flight situation, he would be the one to play dead instead of engaging in confrontation. This was a popular move this year by a few other kids upon being told that their parents did the absolute worst thing in the world, and I personally thought it was clever and pretty hilarious. Way to make a point guys.
https://youtu.be/N1pTZTHZF4E?t=106
https://youtu.be/N1pTZTHZF4E?t=230
Now this one is just depressing. She was so excited to try Skittles for the first time and thinks the opportunity she’s been looking forward to for years now was just ripped from her tiny little hands. For the love of God just show her you love her and get the girl some damn Skittles, parents.
https://youtu.be/N1pTZTHZF4E?t=187
The kid who calls his mom a “turkey butthole.” God, what a clever insult. I’m for sure going to use that one next time someone does something rude to me like bumps into me when I’m walking to class without saying excuse me or sits in my unassigned assigned seat in lecture. I also applaud this kid for getting in the spirit of Thanksgiving so soon after Halloween.
https://youtu.be/N1pTZTHZF4E?t=208
The kid who says nothing but is 100 percent plotting his mom’s death. If I were her, I would be legitimately scared of my own child, immediately rescind the joke and apologize, then offer to buy him more candy as compensation for the emotional distress. That is some young Michael Myers s*** that I wouldn’t mess around with.
https://youtu.be/N1pTZTHZF4E?t=247
The two older twin boys who call out their mom and Jimmy without hesitating and considering that it might be real. This one feels kind of staged, but props to these kids if it’s real—clearly their mom doesn’t realize that they are within the internet-fueled generation of kids who have been using YouTube since they were in the womb (it came out when I was in fifth grade and that just makes me feel old). But seriously, you guys won that one.
https://youtu.be/N1pTZTHZF4E?t=277
Finally, the kid that is just too darn sweet to be mad at his parents. There’s always one of them; they make you go “Awww” and contemplate how big of brats the rest of the kids who yell out swear words and physically go after their parents with their empty candy bags are. https://youtu.be/N1pTZTHZF4E?t=215 (That one backfired, Dad, now didn’t it?) I’m just so proud of these kids who realize at such a young age that it’s not a huge deal and show forgiveness, because personally I was most definitely not that mature at that age and would have probably gone for the “run away from home” resolution in order to get back to my cruel, cruel parents. The mom of this kid probably shed a tear of pride and gave herself a pat on the back for clearly doing something right.
https://youtu.be/N1pTZTHZF4E?t=299
So shoutout to you Jimmy Kimmel, for ruining the lives of children all over America for a solid 10 minutes—and for all the hilarious and cruel parents who will continue to keep sending in videos each year. Personally, I hope this tradition never dies, and Jimmy doesn't seem to think it will "as long as people continue to have sex." Happy post-Halloween! Now let's put aside the candy and get ready for da turkeys.
