Did you know there’s a scale when it comes to depression? I didn’t until a few years ago. The scale for depression actually includes high-functioning individuals, such as myself. Here’s a disclaimer: I’m not clinically diagnosed, so take what you want from this article, it is simply my perspective and something such as depression is different for each individual.
What exactly do I mean by “high-functioning”? I mean individuals who no one would ever believe to have depression. Let’s take me for example, I’m the senior class president, a director for my campus activities board and I was a resident assistant for two years all while maintaining pretty decent grades. No one would ever think I could have depression because people with depression can’t accomplish anything, right? Wrong.
Here’s an analogy, courtesy of my best friend: It’s like you’ve suddenly been shoved into a box made of two-way glass, and you can see out, but no one can see in. All of those people who are depending on you for all of those responsibilities you have are out there waiting for you, and you are just stuck in this box, banging your fists against the glass and hoping someone will hear you and save you. Most times though, no one is coming to save us because no one knows we’re struggling. We have to break our way out of that glass box on our own, and we will do it because we know there are people waiting for us, depending on us. The thing is, constantly having to drag ourselves out of that box burns us out. Eventually we become too tired to fight and we give up. At that point we’re just waiting for someone to come along and save us.
That’s the biggest problem with high-functioning depressives and the reason we scare counselors the most. Most of the time, we don’t seek help. We bottle it up, grit our teeth and bear through it until we finally break ourselves out of that glass box. After all, why should we look for help? We have so much going for us and we tend to appear like we have these perfect lives. We’re so afraid that if we reach out for help, we will be laughed at and we’ll be told we’re just looking for attention.
How do I know all of this? Because this is exactly what I do. Just last week I apologized to my friend who was kind enough to listen to me rant about life when I was having a bit of a nervous breakdown. He was completely willing to be there for me and all I cared about was that I had cut into his video game time. And the sad part is that I will continue to do this because I still don’t see why I should waste anyone’s time.
Don’t be like me. I will not sit here and tell you to see a counselor, but I will tell you to find at least one person to rant to when life becomes too much. Do not continue to drag yourself through this alone, you will find yourself stuck in that glass box with no one coming to save you. Life is too short to have to force yourself to enjoy it.
