Disclaimer: All of the information contained in this article is for the emotionally mature adult.
Disclaimer #2: You are automatically assuming I am one of these aforementioned people.
Disclaimer#3: If you refuse to accept Disclaimer #2 as a fact, you can politely kiss my ass, and go get yourself a coloring book with pop-up pictures, and get the crayons and everything out and go play with Spider-Man and Dora and all those colorful people in the corner.
People get angry with each other. I mean adults. We all know when kids get mad, they tend to do drastic things. In my old neighborhood, we punched each other in the head as kids. Actually, we did that when we weren’t even angry, we did it because it was fun. Aside from the fact that it hurt a little bit. But we grown folks can’t just do that. We have to deal with each other in a civil but honest manner when we have a disagreement.
I’m not talking about the person that cut you in line at Chik-Fil-A or Starbucks. I mean somebody that you actually care about. The strangers that delayed you from getting your lunch, or your coffee? You should just execute those people on the spot. Yeah, just kill everybody in the way. Take the chicken sandwich, and the coffee for free. And everybody who’s dead, you should just help yourself to their personal property. They don’t need it anymore.
I’m kidding. Don’t murder the people who randomly piss you off. You get 25 to life for that. Sure, it would be fun and we all feel like doing it from time to time, but it goes bad just a short time later. Before you know it, you’ll be sitting in front of some homicide detective with a neck the same size as that thick candy jar that sits on your grandmother’s coffee table.And his face is as red as that crayon you used to color Spider-Man earlier, because clearly, you should have stopped reading before you got to this point. That’s if they don’t shoot you before you can be arrested. That sandwich you were holding really looked like a Beretta. And we don’t even want to talk about what happens if you actually get to prison…
You’re going to have disputes. How you handle those disputes matters a lot to how successful your relationships are. They don’t necessarily have to be romantic relationships, but that’s probably the most crucial element of this. They could be friendships, relationships between you and family members, work relations, anything. You’ve got to know that you can say you have a problem with something, and it gets confronted in a candid and productive manner. That’s the core of every association; how you deal with dissent. When everybody’s in agreement, everything is great! But when does that happen? Never, right?
If you confront somebody with an issue, you may or may not be wrong. But if you lay out your claims, and the person tries to convince you that you didn’t hear what you heard them say; or see what you saw them do, you need some red tights. And a lightning bolt on your chest. And a red ski mask, so you can run away like The Flash. Either that, or one of you is crazy. Or both of you are. You are talking to a psychopath that makes up reality as he or she goes along, and YOU are crazy for staying there.
Maybe you took something the wrong way. Maybe something came out wrong from the other party. Maybe everybody resolves conflict in a different way, and people need time to sync, just like that little dumb device you keep plugging into your computer while your life goes to shit because you keep lying to yourself! Stop it! That person most likely did legitimately say or do something to upset you, and your inability to confront that will inevitably lead to the destruction of whatever bond you had, whether that bond was damaged from the get-go or not.
Don’t muzzle yourself. You don’t know how somebody will react when you think they’re wrong until you try to explain it to them. And don’t throw the shit to the side, and be mad, and pretend like everything is copasetic. You are doing yourself and the other person a disservice. First, you are contributing to your own discomfort, and second, you are absolutely disrespecting the other person’s ability to listen to and respect your opinion. That is harmful. And even if you keep it to yourself, you’re still upset, and it will come out one way or the other. This leads to passive aggression. Yes, there’s a name for it, and it describes you. And don’t think the other person won’t pick up on it. Passive aggression is a weapon of mass destruction when it comes to your relations with other people.
This is often why people get ditched, and just really can’t understand it.Friends, family, lovers, and otherwise.
“I don’t know what happened, it came out of nowhere! We don’t talk anymore.” And they’re genuinely confused, because you never explained it. You never knew if they were going to say: “You know, I see your point. I’ll work on that, if you let me. Sorry.” And you just lost a person you should’ve kept. And you lost them because a completely different person in the past refused to even listen when you had a problem with them. You just made somebody pay for something they didn’t do.
Tell them, but don’t throw a punch, or a lamp. You have to do it in a manner that articulates your position clearly. That’s why it’s often the best choice to wait, and bring it up later. Because if you throw a lamp at me, I’m gonna kick your ass. Gender be damned, that’s assault. BUT…I will listen to a concise argument, even if it’s somewhat angry. It saves time. If I screwed up, I just screwed up. If I really care, I will listen. I might disagree. I might say you were right. If I don’t consider it at all, you know where you stand with me.
A lot of people can’t admit they got their feelings hurt. It makes you feel vulnerable. Well, you are. We all are. If you like, love, or simply respect somebody, that person can hurt you without touching you. If you can’t accept that, then you need to see a permanent show that always has an audience of one. It will be lonely, though. And as the world turns, there are not that many places like that, anymore.
Especially if you like Starbucks. Calm down, and speak up.
