You’re a “yes” person. You’re a go-getting, friendly, reliable individual that anyone can count on. You get the job done. You keep yourself busy.

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably a people-pleaser. You get giddy at the idea of making others feel good and happily drop everything when someone comes to you for help. It’s rewarding… it’s validating.

But, the problem is that you have the inability to do the same for yourself. Being a people-pleaser comes with its advantages: you’re ambitious, trustworthy, you don’t let anyone down. Those qualities bring you success and, likely, are some of your best personality traits. However, there is an extent to which being a people-pleaser becomes toxic. There is an extent to which, although you are spreading happiness around you, you begin to drain yourself. You spread yourself too thin. You begin to neglect your own self-care.

This is the hidden danger of being a people-pleaser. Over this past year, I’ve learned that the hard way.

This isn’t me making a plea for all the people-pleasers out there to change their personalities because, well… you can’t. Keep being a good person; keep spreading joy, but in doing so, start to foster joy in your own life. Start tuning into yourself and what you need—it’s easier said than done, but so important.

Being a people-pleaser begins to become a danger when you start sacrificing your own well-being for others. You may not even realize that you do this (I sure didn’t). It may feel right to blame yourself for someone else’s problems or feel responsible for someone’s happiness. It may feel right to depend on another person’s perception of you for validation. It may feel right to apologize frequently for being yourself.

It’s not right.

The only person that can make you truly happy is you. The only person that can break your insecurities is you. It’s important that you cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself before you focus so much of your energy on your relationships with others.

It’s also important to recognize that investing in yourself isn’t a selfish act. If you resonate with this article, you likely go to great lengths worrying about other people’s needs and put too much pressure on yourself to fulfill them. Don’t forget that you have needs, too. Realize that it’s not selfish to practice self-care.

The biggest turning point for me was when I was having a stressful week and someone asked me, “what are you doing today for yourself?”

I had no idea how to answer that question. My planner was filled to the edges with an unattainable checklist of tasks for the day—the last thing on my mind was taking time for myself. Stepping back and assessing those habits was an epiphany for me. I realized how unhealthy my patterns of thought were.

Now, I ask myself that question every day and you should, too. What are you doing today for yourself?

The tragedy of being a people-pleaser is losing sight of yourself in pursuit of the happiness of others. It’s time to put an end to that. Allow yourself to find your own happiness first, and it will radiate.