I have never asked a girl on a date. Point blank.
I have never asked a girl on a date. I have tried and I have failed miserably. My attempts at making the move from being cool as a clam with a girl toward being muggy as a mollusk are watered down, diluted versions of the age-old platonic act of asking someone out to lunch, to a movie, or some other decorated event.
The current college culture condones this type of experience. Feelings are shelled, hidden, and obscured in the depths of the oceans of the heart. The faintest glimmer of a pearl is all that it takes, however, to indicate that this time, this encounter, this person, could mean something different.
My friend got me thinking about this. He asked me if I had ever been on a date. My response was a high-key “Nope.” We were both dumbfounded. Not only do we avoid asking girls on dates, we find it extremely uncomfortable and uncommon to do so. Why is that? What is so bad about taking the risk of expressing interest of getting to know someone on a more intimate level?
Our words are the keys to the heart of a lover. Our words are the keys to the love of our hearts.
If we cannot utilize words to access our own intentions, our own emotions, how will we ever be able to access that of a significant other?
It is this pearl, this love, this shimmer that we seek. We are all clams; shy, reserved, and containing many luminous and gritty secrets. But one of the most unique things about being a clam is what we contain: the creamy, brilliant pearl. This pearl is love; this pearl is our heart.
Dating is the process of unearthing the contents of this damned clamshell and sharing it with someone else. That’s the metaphor I'm fishing for here.
What did I just do? I expressed transparency, my intentions. I told you my thought process. Dating needs a paradigm shift. Dating needs a new set of rules. Dating needs to buckle up and prepare for a new set of passengers yelling, “shotgun!” The art of dating is locked away in one simple word. This word is electric, potent, and fear inducing. It connotes sexual energy, emotional connectivity, and a misty, elusive curiosity.
In order to initiate a paradigm shift in our culture, we need to be impeccable with our word, especially this one, omnipotent word.
We need to use the keyword: “date.” It is as simple as that. I have avoided it. But how much can be said through the frank assertion and ownership of the reality that, “Hey, I want to go on a date with you.”
Accept the fact that that girl in your sociology class is kind of cute. Don’t be a clownfish and ask her to lunch. Instead, own up to the shelled beasts that we all are and ask her on a date!
I know nothing about pearls, dates, or serious relationships.
But I know the ache of a longing heart, and maybe you do, too.
This longing, this yearning is natural. These feelings, these emotions are real. Stop invalidating them through evasive measures and murky signals (text messages) that you hope “might get the point across” or are “just good enough.”
Hey Duke, let’s go clamming. Let’s dive into the waters of a new dating culture that doesn’t anchor itself on fear, manipulation, drunken hookups, or late-night “coulda-woulda-shoulda” texts. We are all clams. Closed, rough around the edges, submerged deep into the comfort of our own security and lifestyles.
If you truly seek a happy, wholesome, healthy and beautiful mutual relationship with someone else, they have to see you for who you truly are. Open up. Let that pearl shine. Let it glimmer, glow, and glorify the majesty of a mutual maturity that is longing to resurface on the silent tides of this campus culture.
