Hey God it's me again, your sinner child. I just feel so distant from you some days and it honestly scares me. I remember my life before you in it, and how low I felt. So every time I can't feel your presence it frightens me because I honestly couldn't make it without you in my life. Everything would fall apart if I didn't have you. I know that even though I can't feel you near some days, you're still there because you said you'd never leave me or forsake me. I know you keep that promise because you keep all your promises and you're never changing.
Are you aware of everything that goes on these days? Well of course have to know, you're all knowing. The world is in your hand as you watch fall apart by the evil of man. There is so much evil and hatred in this world. What can I expect, we're only humans and will forever be flawed. You God are all good, and perfect. You're everything beautiful and loving about life. Every day someone is new is dying because another man decided to take their neighbor's life away. Or someone taking their own life because we in this world lacked to make that individual feel valuable. I know the world is only going to get worst as time flies. It all deeply affects me and makes me not want to a part or this world and be with you. It's just another reminder that this world isn't and will never be my home. My home, my safe place, is with you where there will be no more tears and no more sadness. I can't imagine how beautiful heaven will be. I constantly gaze at all your creations on earth; from the stars to the seas, to the simplest thing as the grass, it's all so beautiful. If I'm amazed by the work you've done on earth, I can't even imagine how marveled I will be by your work done in heaven. I can't wait to be with you one day.
I won't even lie, many questions come to my head when I think of you. I can and I never will fully understand why you made things the way you did. I have so many questions. Some days my faith isn't fully there, and I feel insane for believing the things I do. I also understand that I'm only a man and the world will only be logical to me analyzing it in the perspective of a man, and knowledge of man, which isn't very much. There is so much us as man have not the slightest clue about. I trust that you're smarter than me and that you know what you're doing. I mean you made me and made everything around me. Even days I have not the slightest clue why it is how it is, I still trust you! Why? Because I've seen how you've worked in my life over the years. You had a plan for me from the start and every single obstacle or path in my life has all worked towards your purpose for me. You've made things that I could never fathom possible. You made my body and gave all the parts in my body a specific part in my functioning. Things like that aren't coincidental.You amaze me every day, and that's why I believe. I know you'll continue to do a great thing in my life.
God, if I could have just one wish is to dwell with you for the rest of my life. I'd give it all up just to have you because nothing else is worth it. I've been at points in my life where I've had every worldly thing I could ever wish for, and those the days were the emptiest I've ever felt. Things that looked appealing to me, when I actually had it, it never satisfied me a single bit. Then I met you. You're constantly thinking about me, and loving me when I'm a terrible person. I constantly disobey and disrespect you and yet you still love me and have never left me. We me, I don't get it? I don't deserve the grace you have for me. Since realizing how much you love me, I began to love you myself. Your love is so amazing and so beautiful. I wish I could be more like you. You came to earth in the form of human and obeyed all the rules I failed to obey every day. You continued to be humble and accepted all the ridicule as man betrayed you. As we ridiculed you, you continued to die in our place so we can live. What a selfless, loving act. I wish I could be more like you, but I know I will never come near it. I pray that you help me to be more like you, so I can show people your love for us just through my lifestyle. I want everyone to be able to experience the joy I experience every day with you. I pray that you lead me away from temptation, I know you'll forgive me if I fail. Since I love you, I'll try my best. Thank you for loving me, Lord.
