Our society creates norms by making various aspects of human beings abnormal. We do this through our daily conversations, actions, careers, education practices, politics, and just about every other characteristic of life that makes up our society.
This desire to participate in building norms starts as a type of conditioning society does to new generations at a young age by our actions and the behaviors we model for our children whether they are subconscious or conscious. Many aspects of a child's life adds to the creation and continuation of norms, such as the influence of other children and the setting in which they spend the most time.
One of the largest norms that we have created is heterosexuality and "doing gender." An example of the "doing gender" norm is the thought that men ages 13+ should not be displaying feminine characteristics like saying certain words or participating in certain activities, or showing "too much emotion." Why is this?
Little things like saying to a young child when he falls down, "big boys don't cry" are huge when it comes to norm building. This relays the message that if he wants to be a 'real' man one day, he should not display his emotions in a physical form. Parents do not realize the effects their words have on their children.
There is a silly rhyme that illustrates the effects of this conditioning well. It is one repeated constantly when a young child, usually elementary or early middle school age, sees some sort of a 'romantic relationship' developing between fellow peers.
“Jeffrey and Brittany sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes Brittany with a baby carriage!"
This chant and others like it have been created due to the beliefs that society has deemed it as the appropriate ways of life and spread to further generations. This rhyme in particular is a product of how the social pressures and processes that have constructed heteronormativity have affected children's lives.
It pushes heterosexuality and the idea that women are the natural caretakers while men are supposed to bring home the cash.
Through our words and actions we have supported these norms, and if we ever wish for equal rights in the future, this is where we need to begin the changes.
