Dear heart,
I didn't sleep last night. You might be comfortable and want him, but I was up all night afraid. I'm afraid that if we continue to go back to him that he will hurt us all over again. Then I will have to try to forget everything about him and what happened.
That's the only way to not feel the pain anymore. Forgetting is the only way to help you get stronger after he breaks you.
Every little thing that will remind you of him will bring all of the terrible memories back for me. Those moments might make you feel good for a few minutes, but hours later he'll still be with me which will hurt you in those hours he's flooded our memories.
He doesn't actually, physically have to be in front of you. That sucks the most. You know that. A picture, a song, and you're throbbing for his love again. All while I try to hold the memory gates closed so they don't haunt us for days; until we somehow get a day where he isn't with us anymore.
Then it can start all over again until enough time has passed and we have moved on.
The terrible memories hurt. Yes, the lies, the mental abuse, the trust issues and more will never be able to fully go away. I can work with that though. I'll turn those into lessons, so that next time we can both remember what hurt us last time.
No, what is the worst about him are the good memories. As much as we tell ourselves that he's not good enough for us, these memories make it hard to believe. I am writing to you heart, because you cannot live off of those good memories anymore.
If he has put you through enough pain that makes you question being with him, then he isn't good enough for you. Stop holding onto those good memories. At this point the bad out ways the good. He needs to be gone. You need to let him go.
It will suck when he isn't here anymore, but that pain is temporary. The pain he causes you and I everyday though, that is not temporary. If he isn't benefiting my mental health, and making you feel loved everyday, then he isn't the right one. He isn't good enough for you, or me.
You say he makes you beat so fast, but are those good beats? Are you racing for the right reason, heart? Cause I know when he is around I feel afraid. I feel so afraid. Am I making him happy enough? Do I look good enough?
Does he know I hung out with my guy friends today? Will he take his anger out on me? Is he wondering how I'm feeling? Does he care how my day went?
I will tell you one thing heart, he doesn't make us feel/treat us like he should. Especially if he's to be "the one". How can you be so comfortable going back to someone like that? Cause I try to tell you every time you have a choice to go back or leave for good. You don't listen though.
You always go back because you think the way your heart races when he is around is a good thing. I promise when we find the real one, that your heart will race, but in a better way. The way it should. Please listen to me this time heart. We, as a team, have a big choice today. I vote on leaving and I hope you come to this answer as well.
He isn't good enough for you, and you shouldn't keep breaking over someone who could honestly care less about you and me. He knows you'll always come back, which makes me look weak and in turn you as well. You know better, and I can't feel you break again. Our person can't go through this again.
Walk away and we get the pleasure of knowing how strong we both are. Brain and heart together. No man will be able to tear us apart again. We'll take some time to work together and become bigger and better than ever. Just don't go back to comfort because you're afraid there is no one else.
There is always someone better. We deserve better. Our girl deserves better. I know your feeling heavy, heart. Please don't give him any more of your love. Please save it for yourself and we can go together. We can be healthy and happy for our girl. She needs us to work together because right now she is so confused.
Heart, she needs us to be smart here. It's time to walk away. He's not good enough for you.
From your friend up above,
Brain
