Over the past few years, more people I’ve grown up with have started their journeys into parenthood. This is all great and exciting, but it does bring with it one annoying event: the gender reveal party. Every time I go on Pinterest, my feed is filled with gender reveal ideas, and my Facebook feed shows the occasional “touchdowns and tutus” themed cake. These parties may seem all fun and games, but they really are a weird concept.

First of all, let’s just address that it’s a party solely celebrating what genitals your baby has. Call me crazy, but that just seems a little odd to me. You’re going to love your child regardless of its sex, right? So, why make such a big deal about it? I understand calling up your friends and family to let them know or even sending out a cute Facebook or Instagram post about it, but throwing a huge party with a dramatic reveal is completely unnecessary and strange.

I would also hope that a couple would simply be happy that they are having a child in the first place. I think it’s really strange to make a huge deal out of the baby’s sex. I’ve even seen gender reveals where one spouse says that they hope the baby is a certain sex and ends up disappointed. This makes me really sad. Why should that make a difference? Their sex doesn’t change that they’re your child.

Now, on to the part that’s going to make people mad. You’re not actually celebrating the baby’s gender. You’re celebrating its sex, so don’t call it a “gender” reveal party. While, yes, your baby will most likely identify with the gender that corresponds with their sex, you don’t know that yet because it still isn’t even born. Gender is a mental thing. Sex is a biological thing. Get it right.

Not only are these parties just a super weird concept, they reinforce gender roles that hurt everyone. Some gender reveal themes are incredibly oppressive. I’ve seen “tiaras or tractors”, “superheroes or princesses” and “guns or glitter”, just to name a few. These are all so ridiculous. How on earth are you supposed to know whether your child is going to like one thing or another before they’re even born just because of their sex? The concept is crazy, and indirectly reinforces these gender roles that oppress both men and women. Even just using pink vs blue in a gender reveal party implies that girls can’t wear blue and boys can’t wear pink, something we all know is ridiculous.

I know that telling boys to wear blue and girls to wear pink may seem harmless, but it leads to an overall bigger problem. Gender roles lead to men being penalized for showing any emotion but anger, and women being shamed for acting aggressively in any way. By labeling your child as liking “touchdowns” or “tutus” before they’re even born, you’re basically setting them up to fit into a certain box.

This also ties into the disappointment that some couples experience when the baby is not the sex that they had hoped. Just because you’re having a daughter, it doesn’t mean the father can’t take her to participate in stereotypically “manly” activities. Similarly, just because you’re having a son, it doesn’t mean that the mother can’t take him to participate in stereotypically “womanly” activities. I know that concept might shock some people, but it’s true! Everyone can do whatever they want!

Lastly, it’s simply narcissistic. The whole point of a gender reveal party is for attention, photos, and gifts. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good Instagram post, but baby showers exist for a reason. I know it may be hard to resist the urge to copy that Pinterest cake, but your baby shower and all of your child’s future birthday parties will provide plenty of opportunities to put those skills to good use.

I’m not telling you not to have a gender reveal party, but I am telling you that it’s not as harmless as you may think it is. Maybe think twice before you plan that “boots or bows” themed party.