I've been asked multiple times for my advice on what to do and how to handle when of your loved ones is diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I thought long and hard before submitting this article. It is a very touchy subject not only for myself, but for quite a few of my friends. So, here's my story and my advice to you...
My grandmother, Martha, was my person. She was the person who went out at two o’clock in the morning during a storm to get me medicine. She was the person who made me homemade hot chocolate on cold days. She was the person who told my mom not to make me do the dishes. I could always count on her to bring me up when I was down, there was never a day that I couldn't go to her house and vent about my day.
She was diagnosed with Dementia four years ago and Alzheimer's two years ago. I remember the signs very well. I remember her sitting me down and telling me that there is a man breaking into her home and that he would sit outside watching the house. At the time, I flipped shit and told her its time to get a new security system. Next, her stuff would come up missing and then I'd find her glasses in the freezer. That is not a joke, that actually happened.
My mom and my aunt sat down to discuss the best nursing home for her, I had my first break down that day. My grandma was my person, I couldn't imagine her sitting in a nursing home. I thought she would've been perfectly fine living on her own and continuing with her daily routine. You will think your loved one is perfectly fine and doesn't need help, just like I, you will be wrong. It sucks.
I’ve had a lot of bad days, I'm a college student bad days are a weekly deal, but the worst day i’ve ever experienced was the day my grandma didn’t know who I was. I tried my hardest to hold in all of my emotions, it didn’t happened that way. I teared up, excused myself from her room, went to my car, and cried in the parking lot for two whole hours. There will be a day that your loved one will not be able to remember who you are and it’s hard, but you’ll get through it.
So here’s my advice, spend as much time with your loved one as you can. Spend time with those who support you and can help you get through it. I became very close to my aunt, and I can’t tell you enough how blessed I am to have her. Talk to your parents about how you're feeling, my mom and dad have heard me scream about how unfair life is. Thats okay, scream at the top of your lungs if needed. Don’t lay in bed all day and think about how messed up this process is, I did that. I skipped school during high school because I couldn't get out of bed and my eyes were too swollen from crying, it did not help. Pray. Don’t pray for a cure, don't pray for a breakthrough, pray for a good day. Pray to God that your loved one has a good day, because good days will become rare. My last piece of advice is to spend more time with your family, they will be your backbone. I cant promise that it will get easier, but I can promise that you will get through it. I see my grandma as much as I can, which isn't a whole lot anymore. Life happens and it gets harder to see your loved one. Cherish the times you do get to see them, hold onto those old memories, and thank God for the good times you've had. Never forget the time they gave you your first sip of wine and always remember the time they held you while you cried.
