"Let us have some intercourse oni-chan" - Kiriito-Kun 2018
Recently, I noticed a large influx in hentai viewing at my local library and I was perplexed. Usually I would only see about one to two hentai viewers every month. However, as finals week approaches I noticed that there was as many as 5 given viewers at a time in the library. This was just plain appalling! I decided to do some research and I've documented my findings below.
The Beginning of My Research
My first step was to see if this was simply something I happened to notice, and was therefore a statistical anomaly. I brought 3 of my close friends and asked them to walk around the library and meet back at the front in 10 minutes. They were to look for any signs of students or faculty watching hentai. The results were astonishing! Not only did each one of us find several students watching hentai, but two of us found a faculty members on the job! I now knew after this quick initial experiment that there was in fact a hentai problem occurring at my university. I then used my English literature skills to the test. I've read tons of detective and research stories and I knew I must conduct a thorough investigation.
Us Analyzing Our Data
I began by contacting some trusted faculty members within my library and I asked them if they had noticed an influx in students watching inappropriate materials throughout the library. The women I met, who shall remain unnamed as per her request, explained to me that this was in fact a growing problem. She asked me if this was some sort of practical joke. I laughed and immediately said "Of course not, but I too want to find the source of this great increase in viewership..." She told me that she'll help me in any way she can as too many students were partaking in such heinous public acts for the staff to overview them all. I told her I am very sorry for how the students are treating the library, as some sort of personal masturbatory function hall. She laughed and asked me if I had any ideas on what to do. This is where things really took a wild turn...
Internet History and Mission Impossible
I told her I know the library tracks internet history and traffic. This was actually a lie, I didn't know this at all, but I had suspected for some time and my beliefs were soon validated. She was shocked. "How do you know about this" she whisper yelled at me. I chuckled and said "I have some friends in the SIA (Student Intelligence Agency) and they've known for some time now." For reference, the SIA is a student based organization that cares about transparency on campus and they expose any scandals on campus. She admitted that they do in fact track the history but it was off limits and I was not able to get access. As she spoke about this I noticed she gave a quick glance to a room just near her office. I realized that this must be the terminal that accesses these off limit records. A brilliant plan poured into my head, but it would require her help.
"You're very admirable *her name* and I respect you for your efforts here." She blushed and told me that was a very kind thing to say. I asked her how she felt every time she saw a student watch such disgusting videos in the place where they put so much effort to maintain. She furrowed her eyebrows a little and admitted it did hurt. I asked her, what if the room with access to the history was accidentally left unlocked and students got access this would not be something you could get in trouble for too much. She looked right into my eyes and for a long while too. I could almost see her mind race about the possible consequences. I could feel the devil and the angel on her shoulders, reminding how she feels every time she sees a student watch hentai and how much she cares about her morals. Eventually, she decided to help me.
Later that night me and my SIA friends stayed in the library after closing hours. It was fairly easy honestly, we just avoided the common places; tables where students sleep or bathrooms where students do other things. At around 3:30 AM we walk towards the terminal room and we noticed a guard just walk by something like 20 ft ahead. It was worrying at first but we decided to go ahead anyways. We slowly tip toe over there and enter the room. One of the SIA members was a computer science major and he quickly booted up a program from his USB on the terminal and began transferring some browser history information. At around 93% complete we hear some coughing outside the door too close for comfort. We immediately look at each other and with tight lips and slow breaths and wait it out. Luckily he walks on forward and our data transfer was complete.
Results
"Holy Sh*t, that's a lot of hentai." - SIA Officer Carl Sandburg
As Carl aptly put it, there was indeed a heck of a lot of hentai being watched at the library. Around 800 viewers a day were viewing hentai, and 80% of the traffic went to one website - 'Hentai Haven'. Naturally we contacted Hentai Haven to see if they noticed a spike in network traffic or any other sort of anomalies. I'll attach the response and graph they provided below. If the evidence we found already wasn't damning enough this was the holy grail!
Email back from Hentai Haven
Haven Hentai Network TrafficJames Demarco
Closing Remarks
So my dear readers it has been shown that as finals season approaches hentai viewership skyrockets. I will bid you all adieu now, I too must study for finals tpo :( .
