When someone is going through a rough season (or seasons), it's not always obvious. They won't always say they need help. They probably won't even admit it if you ask! They might just give you an attitude instead. There are many reasons as to why people don't reach out to others. It could be pride, shame, embarrassment — heck, it could be all three and more! Think of a time where you've felt ashamed to reveal your true self to others. Or think of a time where you were too stubborn for help. None of these are uncommon.
Asking for help isn't always communicated verbally. Sometimes, their absence of character is a sign of their suffering. It could even be something not as obvious as not showering as often, not cleaning their room, acting out, shutting themselves down, or overindulging in something that's not healthy for them. It is then when you need to do something for your loved one, out of love and in love.
But something to remember is what they don't need — unrighteous judgment. No, they don't need an "I told you so." Even you and I don't need an "I told you so" type of person — especially when we've fallen flat on our face.
"The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?" Proverbs 18:14
Sometimes, we feel that because someone is our sibling, cousin, child, parent, etc., we are the only ones that could get through to this person. I mean, duh, we feel we love them the most! But you being the one person to get through to them is not always the case. Sometimes, just because we've known someone our whole lives doesn't mean we've known someone our whole lives.
So, at that moment, we need to discern the situation placed before us and ask ourselves, "Am I a conflict of interest in this case?" Have I been called to play out on the field and actively do something or am I called to sit on the bench and root for the works by other people on the side? We need to understand that whether you're called to physically do something or just to support people from behind the scenes by praying, we are all on the same team and have the same goal: to love our friend. To be the "conflict of interest" in a situation is not something to get offended over. It's not a personal insult. It's a shift in position, yet, like before, on the same team.
If you're not a conflict of interest, pray and proceed in love. Don't judge, express concern. Don't fight, apologize if you offend them. Tell them, in love, that you care for them and don't want them to keep heading in the direction that they're going. If you've been down the same road and know of the empty promises that temptation carries, warn them in love. Remind your loved one that this is not a journey or a struggle that they'll go through alone. Jesus never left the adulterous woman until ALL her accusers left her alone and it was just her and Jesus. That same attitude and spirit live in us, so let's live in it.
So sure, maybe the person you love is in the wrong. But that doesn't mean they don't deserve grace. Can't you say the same about yourself? Didn't you receive grace when you didn't deserve it? As someone I greatly admire once said, "Lead in grace and there will be an opportunity for you to speak Truth. And by that point, they'll be more receptive to accepting that Truth."
