If you have ever had a friend go through a tragic breakup, it is difficult to put yourself in their shoes and know which approach to take. Should you totally trash their ex and distract them? Or should you reminisce with them and analyze things together? How much of your opinion should you even give? These questions wracked my mind when a good friend of mine ended a seven-year-long relationship. It was her first and only relationship thus far. Me, never having been in a long-term relationship, was totally inept at handling any breakup much less such a heavy one as this. However, I did learn a few things.

The first thing to know is that helping someone heal from a breakup is a long, consistent process that takes weeks to months. Since every relationship is different, every breakup is different in its own way. But there are a few tips that are applicable to every situation. Here are some healthy, promising ways to help a friend get past a breakup.

1. Even if he/she was a jerk, talk about the good times and acknowledge the highs and the lows

No one, after investing so much time in someone else, wants to feel as though they've wasted precious time on a relationship. It's important in the initial stages to talk out the good moments, and tell your friend that this person came into your life for a reason. Time was not wasted, the good moments can be carried with them for the rest of their life. This person has changed them in some way and they will continue to change as they learn from this relationship. Help them talk through their feelings, because a true friend listens. It's extremely important not to skip this part before taking your friend out to empower them or distract them.

2. Show your presence by reaching out first, and take initiative in making plans

After being alone for a bit after a breakup, someone is in danger of cutting off a lot of important people in their lives. Don't let your friend isolate themselves, and be the one to reach out first. Being in a relationship can sometimes create distance between friends who have to share you with a significant other. When you reach out first and consistently show your support, you essentially close that gap created. Simply said, actions speak louder than words.

3. Help them envision a successful, beautiful future in which they are thriving

Nothing mobilizes us more than hope, it keeps the world from being complacent. Thus, the way to keep them from dwelling on the pain at the present moment is to help them imagine how their life can move forward. While I was doing this exact thing with my friend, I saw tears in her eyes though she did her best not to cry. Just the thought of her living a happy life — for herself — was so moving, especially hearing it from people close to her. Hearing that from someone else makes it less of a fantasy, and that future life becomes something to live for.

As a friend, you have this unique power to change someone's life. Show your friend that the greatest romance truly is friendship. An outside perspective keeps them from going down a rabbit hole of regret and guilt. While it might feel great to project your own opinions on the relationship and single life, the best way to help them is to be with them every step of the way. Understand them, don't correct them. Use these tips to love and empower a friend going through a tough time. If they have you, they'll definitely make it through it.