Hello Shyness, Please Go Away

Hello Shyness, Please Go Away

"I've always been, Shy!! I confess it, I'm shy!" - Once Upon A Mattress
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I wish that I could be more outgoing and would stop worrying about how people perceive me but I guess no matter what, my shyness will always get the best of me. I have had a lot of new experiences this year that have made me go back into the shell I once had in high school. I wish I could be more confident in myself but I do not know if that will ever happen. I thought that my shyness would decrease during my college experience but clearly I am still shy, just not as much. As a teacher candidate, I hate how my shyness affects my teaching because I know exactly what I want to say during my lesson but I never fully portray it well because I get afraid of the unknown of what might happen - (the student won't understand the content, I am not performing as well as I know I can, etc.)

I know that my shyness can have an advantage at times - like how I can easily empathize with others because of how sensitive I feel when I do not come out of my shell as often as I would like. However, there are many times in my life that I wish I could be my true self without the fear that I will become vulnerable to someone (friendship or relationship) and I will never be good enough. To most people, I am the kind of person you want to be around because I am always in a good mood. But that does not mean I do not struggle too - I self-doubt a lot of the time and my anxiety does not help with me being shy.

I just hate how my shyness holds me back from many things in my life. I often fear that I will not be the best teacher I can be because I easily trip over my own words. I know the content well, yet I have a long way to go as far as learning HOW to teach something and present it well. I know that as years to come, I will become more comfortable in the classroom and will not be so focused on my own teaching and will concentrate on the student's progress. But as of now, I cannot stop thinking about how I can easily appear unconfident because of my pure and utter shyness. It sucks!

As I have mentioned before in my previous articles, I was always the kind of girl in high school that barely spoke up in class and I only did when I had to or if no one wanted to answer the question and I was comfortable enough about the answer. Otherwise, I did not fit in well due to my shyness. To go from the shy girl in class to becoming the teacher in the classroom is a vast change that not a lot of people understand other than myself. I just hope that someday, I will become the teacher that I envision myself as one day. In the meantime, I am trying so hard to work on becoming less shy and more open with people. I do not think I will ever become "not shy" but maybe I will learn to be more confident in myself as a teacher candidate and an individual.

Cover Image Credit: Allbartenders

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30 Things I'd Rather Be Than 'Pretty'

Because "pretty" is so overrated.
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Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on our looks. We focus so much on the outside that we forget to really focus on what matters. I was inspired by a list that I found online of "Things I Would Rather Be Called Instead Of Pretty," so I made my own version. Here is a list of things that I would rather be than "pretty."

1. Captivating

I want one glance at me to completely steal your breath away.

2. Magnetic

I want people to feel drawn to me. I want something to be different about me that people recognize at first glance.

3. Raw

I want to be real. Vulnerable. Completely, genuinely myself.

4. Intoxicating

..and I want you addicted.

5. Humble

I want to recognize my abilities, but not be boastful or proud.

6. Exemplary

I want to stand out.

7. Loyal

I want to pride myself on sticking out the storm.

8. Fascinating

I want you to be hanging on every word I say.

9. Empathetic

I want to be able to feel your pain, so that I can help you heal.

10. Vivacious

I want to be the life of the party.

11. Reckless

I want to be crazy. Thrilling. Unpredictable. I want to keep you guessing, keep your heart pounding, and your blood rushing.

12. Philanthropic

I want to give.

13. Philosophical

I want to ask the tough questions that get you thinking about the purpose of our beating hearts.

14. Loving

When my name is spoken, I want my tenderness to come to mind.

15. Quaintrelle

I want my passion to ooze out of me.

16. Belesprit

I want to be quick. Witty. Always on my toes.

17. Conscientious

I want to always be thinking of others.

18. Passionate

...and I want people to know what my passions are.

19. Alluring

I want to be a woman who draws people in.

20. Kind

Simply put, I want to be pleasant and kind.

21. Selcouth

Even if you've known me your whole life, I want strange, yet marvelous. Rare and wondrous.

22. Pierian

From the way I move to the way I speak, I want to be poetic.

23. Esoteric

Do not mistake this. I do not want to be misunderstood. But rather I'd like to keep my circle small and close. I don't want to be an average, everyday person.

24. Authentic

I don't want anyone to ever question whether I am being genuine or telling the truth.

25. Novaturient

..about my own life. I never want to settle for good enough. Instead I always want to seek to make a positive change.

26. Observant

I want to take all of life in.

27. Peart

I want to be honestly in good spirits at all times.

28. Romantic

Sure, I want to be a little old school in this sense.

29. Elysian

I want to give you the same feeling that you get in paradise.

30. Curious

And I never want to stop searching for answers.
Cover Image Credit: Favim

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Coping With The Loss Of A Passion

It's hard to get it back once you lose it.

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In college, time to focus on passions seems limited. The homework, essays, group projects, and exams are never-ending.

In high school, I took my free time for granted. I was dancing four hours four nights a week, but I wasn't constantly stressed. I had time to focus on my passion, which is dance.

In college, I am a part of an amazing dance club. But I don't get to compete, take technique classes, or be with the team I was with since I was 8 years old. Now, I receive videos of my team from home's amazing performances, and it aches a bit. I am so proud and happy for their growth but jealous that they have more years than I do. It is nearly impossible to find technique classes at college to take with no car, little free time, and barely any money. I miss my team, I miss my dance teachers and choreographers, and I miss competitions, but most of all, I miss the person I was when I had the opportunity to pursue my passion several hours a week.

My passion will always be there, and I do get to pursue dance on a smaller scale with some amazing dancers in college, but I am coping with the fact that I will never do another competition with my team again, I will never be able to dance with them again, and I will never be able to learn from my dance teachers again. It's a hard loss, one that I think about every day.

To anyone who still has the opportunities to pursue their passions to the fullest extent, you are lucky. Not everyone gets the chance to keep up with their sport, passion, or activity that they dedicated all of their time to in high school. Don't take a single second of it for granted, and remember why you are doing what you are doing. Take time to reflect on why you love it so much, how it makes you feel, and how you can express yourself during it. Whatever this passion or activity is, make every second count.

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