An open letter to the girl that feels stupid

The summer had passed, time had taken its sweet time healing your hurting heart. It was your first real heartbreak caused by a boy. You always thought that you were going to be one of the girls who did not let a boy get to her the way other girls did. Mom always laughed and told you to wait, that one day is was going to happen. She was right, it happened and afterwards something inside of you just felt like it was hurting constantly. The pain did subside after a few months, but it was always a little numb, and seeing his face would bring back pain that was as sharp as a knife.

You feel like a total idiot right now. You had finally gotten yourself back to what you were before. The summer had melted into fall and life was messy and complicated but it was not because of him. You were applying for college, playing your sport, and spending every possible moment with your friends because college is sooner than you are ready for. You had moved on in the sense that you could hear your song in the car and not break down anymore, and you could see him in the hallways and not feel like running out the door. He had moved on with a little blonde cheerleader who was nothing like you.You did not understand why you were not good enough, or how someone like that could make him happy while you could not in his eyes.

You decided to go to a party one night. The excuse for going was “I am a senior, why not?”. Which seems like the excuse you use whenever you and your friends want to do something stupid. You were sitting around the fire when you look up and see something that makes your heart drop to the deepest pit of your stomach, his face. You immediately shift your eye downward and pretend that what you just saw was not real. But it wa real, so you just ignore him, and it works for a while until him and his friends come and sit down right next to you. You make conversation and the most painful part of all of this is how easy the words flowed. You talked to him like you did months ago, like nothing have even happened. That knife sharp pain comes back and you start missing him all over again.

He asks if you wanna leave with him to talk, and you blindly do, He tells you all these lies about how much he misses you and would go back to you if you would have him. You tell him you feel the same and you think that this is a new beginning and that you are going to get back together.

Stupid girl. You knew that he already hurt you once. Everything he told you that night was a lie. A few days later you see him and the girl he spoke about as if he did not care for at all, and they look as happy as ever. All the sweet words he told you is what he tells every girl. You sitting in his passenger seat listening to the radio could have been you, or it could have been her, the girl does not matter to him. He knows just what you need to hear and that is what he tells you, he has the knife in the hand you used to hold. He knows how twist it to make you feel everything you did during that hot summer, only more intense and painful.

Now you are right back where you started. Crying, listening to sad songs and crying to your best friend in the car. You feel stupid, but you are not. He is. You are caring and passionate and that's why everything hurts so sharply. But someone is out in the world who will make you forget all the pain, They will make you look back on all the nights you cried alone in your room and you will be thankful. Thankful that you had your first heartbreak, so you can move onto someone else. Not saying your heart will never be broken again, just choose more wisely next time as to who has the chance of doing in. You are not stupid, you are just a highschool girl who believed the boy on the football team.