Two weeks ago I was at dinner with my two of my best friends. We were reminiscing about the past and noticed a pattern in my past. When it comes to dating, I can be “heartless.” At first it stung and I was completely caught off guard with their criticism, but then I thought about it, and totally agreed. Here is why I’m heartless, and why I’m okay with it:
I am a daddy’s girl until the day I die. I love my dad not only because he’s spoiled me to no end, but he’s shown me how a woman should be treated by treating my mom with care and respect. When it was time for me to start dating, I didn’t expect any less. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect a guy to buy me a car, or flowers every other week, or anything crazy, but I expected respect, and nothing less.
As I entered high school, with hormones all weird, sometimes I would lose sight of what I deserved, but don’t worry, I quickly remembered. For example, I was with a guy for almost a year, and towards the end of our relationship he was no longer being the person he was in the beginning. The minute I realized that he was no longer treating me the way I deserved to be treated, I ended things without looking back. My friends to this day can never understand how heartless I was after I ended things. In a way, I will agree that I could have been more emotional and forgiving, but everyone handles things differently.
I don’t apologize or wish to change the way I am when it comes to dating, because I don’t believe that any person should feel their worth decrease. I also don’t believe that anyone has the right to make anyone feel worthless at anytime. Whenever I start to feel like I’m being treated badly, or I feel I’m being taken for granted, I try to confront that person and come up with a solution. I’m very direct and blunt with my feelings and thoughts, which can make me appear emotionless. I am this way partly because my dad is this way, but mostly because I never want anyone to misinterpret what I say or send any mixed messages. If I think, “Wow, this person makes me feel like sh*t,” then chances are I’m going to tell that person that they make me feel like sh*t. I would rather tell someone how I feel and find a solution then have them make me feel worthless. If we can’t find a solution that works, or there is no attempt to reach that solution, I have no problem deucing out. It may be rude or arrogant, but that is who I am. I know my self worth, and I think that everyone deserves to be treated with respect and worthy, and if someone continuously makes me feel opposite of that, I won’t tolerate it. If that makes me heartless, then I am unapologetically heartless.