Have you ever been cut so deep that you couldn't even express the pain in words? The only way to express the nonstop aching feeling is that deep, overwhelming cry. Sure, I've had my feelings hurt before. I've felt low self esteem from being rejected. I've even felt the ongoing uneasy feeling from my only heartbreak. No Marvin Gaye or Fantasia song could heal such a wound, but at times I wish it did. I would keep the songs on replay until all of the anxiety disappeared. To live and to love is something that every human being yearns for. It is a need, we are sensual creatures. We crave compassion and the need to be loved. Often times, we tend to get love and lust confused. That confusion can lead to many relationships coming to an end sooner than expected. I've loved and I've lost, so I thought. I had to do some major self evaluating. I had to let God work on me because I tried to fix myself, and in the process I failed miserably. Did I ever really love the way God wanted me to? Or did I have this conditional sense of love that rose from infatuation?
These are the questions that I had to ask myself. When things began to fall apart, and when they began to unravel I realized I was losing control. I tried to play it off to me being a Scorpio, we are notorious for our controlling personality. I had to let go of my selfish and controlling ways in order to let God get back in control. I had to humble myself, God forced me to. Heartbreaks or heartaches aren't anything to play with. I took them lightly until I experienced it myself. And boy, I wish I hadn't.
At the end of the day, I'm glad I've felt those overwhelming sobs. It taught me a lesson. I know I can share my experience with someone who probably needs to hear it. As I go through this healing process, I hope that my story relates to whatever you may be dealing with or have dealt with. Just know even though you may feel alone, you're not. That new found independence shouldn't be confused for loneliness. Know that you are independent and you are wonderful!
"You've got to learn to leave the table when love's no longer being served." -Nina Simone