It’s official – Donald Trump is the Republican Party’s presumptive nominee for President of the United States of America. Let that sink in for a minute. Then, after that, you can go ahead and start thinking of an escape clause. Even though most of the following options are practically impossible; with the right political revolution, the cards could fall in favor of any of the following healthy alternatives to the toupeed businessman.
Mickey Mouse
Let’s face it – this lovable cartoon character receives write-in votes nearly every election since the 80s. And believe it or not, the mouse received 11 write-in votes nationwide in the 2008 presidential election, which was more than “Jesus Christ” received. Disney practically controls the world anyway (ESPN, ABC, Marvel, Pixar, Lucasfilm), so if Mickey Mouse were President, just imagine what that could mean. Mickey could sign an unprecedented Louisiana Purchase-esque land deal to make the United States into a giant theme park. Disney practically controls all of our entertainment, so having a cartoon as a figurehead wouldn’t be so bad. Plus, I heard his signature is pretty good.
Frank Underwood
Potential spoilers for house of cards ahead.
This House of Cards President is ruthless, pragmatic, cunning and manipulative. These are all bad things, though, you might say, and you’re right. But in this made-for-Netflix series, Underwood becomes President and pushes for the passing of his jobs-creation package, “America Work.” And it works. It’s a TV show, but the idea of putting Americans back to work in our own country is appealing. Does this kind of sound like Donald Trump to you, after preaching he will bring Chinese jobs back to America, it could sound familiar. Fear not – Frank is willing to compromise if there is no alternative. Trump is just building a wall and assuming Mexico will pay for it. Good strategy.
The Presidents of the United States of America
Like, the band. Having multiple presidents couldn’t be a bad idea, right? It would eliminate some cabinet positions, but a little give and take is necessary sometimes. This band has played for presidents in the past, including Bill Clinton, and this year they are in support of Bernie Sanders. Even though they’ve placed their eggs in the wrong basket, if Bernie runs as an independent (unlikely), they could endorse him and become his vice presidents. More brains coming together making decisions has never had bad repercussions in the past, right? Groupthink can be a good and productive thing.
Finland
The 5th-happiest country in the world and the 5th-best education system in the world. Do you like the backwoods and beautiful nature scenery? Then this country is for you! Visit Finland today, even though you might freeze your rear-end of in the winter, there’s a bunch of snow for 3-4 months, and it gets really dark for 15-20 hours out of the day in some places. But hey, other than that, the culture is unique and you can see the Northern Lights, which not even Thomas Rhett can say. Canada might be your first choice, but you might want to rethink that, seeing as what Trump is going to do to our other border neighbors. Play it safe, why take the risk?
On a serious note, Donald Trump is now beating Hillary Clinton in the national polls. If you like Trump and are eligible, vote for him. If you like Hillary and are eligible, vote for her. Make your voice heard this election.
But if you don’t like either candidate, the above options are always waiting for you.
