Healing Our Heartbreak One Day At A Time

many broken promises.

by r.h. sin

isn't that why you choose to stay

aren't you just holding on to ghosts

moments in time

that represent the best parts

of that particular relationship

those parts being the ones

which rarely occur

those moments like distant memories

of everything you wished

your relationship was

hold on to this rope of hope

that is breaking under the pressure

of your own expectations

growing weaker by the fact

that you're the only one who cares

as much as you do

isn't that why you choose to stay

it's much harder to walk away

because you're in love

with the person they've promised

to become

My lovely roommate recently gifted me with a collection of poems called "rest in the mourning" by r.h. Sin. These poems profoundly, and so accurately explore the pain of relationships, and yet the hope of a purer love yet to come. Love, however, begins when we are able to leave, learn, and grow from this heartache. I have not had words resonate so deeply with me for quite a while.

Many times I have noticed in not only myself, but in many, the ever-present hold we seem to have on a relationship that is dead, or in the process of dying. I remember around a year ago I had written about a friend who seemed so unable to let go of a relationship they so desperately clung to; "and you can't cling to another human. you can't hold them in your grip until little black bruises appear on their skin until their arms shake and shiver."

But it's funny how words work, and how the earth has an odd way of turning. These words now speak to my own heart. And it is a harsh reality, a difficult pill to swallow. I have realized, however, not only do we potentially hurt them but refusing to release our grip, we pain ourselves even deeper in the process.

There is comfort found in holding on; it's safe, homey, secure. As r.h. Sin writes, "we cling to the good memories" ("rest in the mourning," 8). The feelings and remembrances of things that once were, but no longer are. We beg them to be reality once more; but all throughout this desperate practice, we hurt ourselves even more.

Can we not see, that by holding on, we bring about false hope, tearful nights, and deep anxiety from within?

Beloved, and I speak to my fellow women here specifically, if a man loves you, you will not need to second-guess where his heart lies with you. You will not find yourself re-reading old texts, searching between the lines, checking the amount of minutes it took him to reply, analyzing those spans of time. His absence and inattention will be confirmation enough. Do not continue to convince yourself otherwise.

I have come to realize, that if a man loves you, he will show it undoubtedly. His actions and his words will align. But if he does not show his true affections, you must stop feeding yourself the false reality, that one day things may be as they were. This hurts so much; this idea wrenches at our dreamy hearts. But as mentioned, it hurts so much more to hang onto what once was. Do not cling to what is dead, in the false hope of revival. Likewise, do not continue to choose someone who continually does not choose you.

Please stop torturing yourself. Stop reading the texts, scrolling through his social medias, stop revisiting past memories as you try to lull yourself to sleep. Stop throwing yourself at him; constructing just the right words or phrases to bring him back. Spare your heart. Remember, "To heal a wound you need to stop touching it."

Your beauty, your identity, your worth, are not hidden within the verbalization of one man's opinion. Remember that you were art long before he came to admire you, and you’ll continue to be art even when he’s gone. And as Song of Solomon 4:7 further explains, "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you."

And again, I speak to my own heart, as this is a practice I have yet to master. But with time, comes continual growth. I only pray God gives each of us the strength to let go when we must.

Simply put, if it is meant to be, it will. You deserve to be treated with pure love, never-ending honor, and an ever-caring heart. Settle for no less. Move forward, move on. You will realize the makeup of true love in time. Begin to gain a love of self, along with deep-rooted confidence. Your time will come, I promise.

"And He calls us beloved, is that not more wonderful than all the praises of man?"

-T.B. LaBerge

(P.S. Here are a few songs that fit will within the theme of this article. Enjoy!)

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