When my first semester came to an end, I was dreading leaving Texas Tech for five whole weeks. I loved it here. l was completely content with my classes, my friends, my cozy little dorm (aka shoebox), and the fact that there was always something to do. I felt like Lubbock was my home.

But then... winter break happened. And as quickly as it went by, the amount of things that changed in that five weeks was insane.

Over the break, I became more aware of what I have always had, but had never fully appreciated. I started out my break going from one place to another, trying to stay busy with friends, work, anything... I was barely ever home. Then came my one-week winter conference, and God revealed to me what I have been missing out on while constantly trying to stay busy.

I realized that I had been taking my family for granted. I used to constantly go out and see friends whenever I could but never made quality time for my family. So as I grew in my faith over break, I grew closer with my mom, my dad, and my sisters, and I can honestly say that we have become so much closer in just those few weeks.

I also held a higher appreciation for my friends, given that It was more about the quality of time rather than the quantity. I was able to deepen my relationship with my closest friends and cherish our memories and all the amazing people in my life who care about me.

I learned so much about myself over winter break and in those short few weeks, and was able to grow tremendously. I cherished my loved ones, and everything God has given me to a new extent. And as break was ending, I realized I wasn't ready to go back to college.

That last day came, and I said goodbye and left to move back to my little shoebox that I call home. But you see, right when I got there, it didn't feel like home anymore.

Everything felt weird. It felt off. I missed my family, my friends back at home, and the comfort I had felt in knowing that everything was okay and going to be okay. Here, I felt lost, and scared, like I had no idea where life was taking me.

My first few days consisted of me running around saying hi to everyone, going out, and trying to pull everything together to start the semester. If you've lived in freshmen dorms, you may or may not have had to experience the 90 degrees heating system they so nicely gave us. So... because of the conditions, I didn't really spend much time in my dorm, and if I did, it just made me irritated and overheated.

A few days into being back, when I was finally able to be alone with my thoughts and process everything around me, I realized I was not okay, and it hit hard. I couldn't stop crying, and I felt so alone. I just wanted to go back home, well... my other home.

Sitting with my thoughts helped me get everything out into the open and realize that yes, I miss being home, but it will probably just take some time to get used to everything.

I went grocery shopping with my friends that night. They could tell something was off and were trying to be there for me as much as they could. We sang and danced to throwbacks in the car, and pushed each other around in the grocery carts while shopping (yes, I am still 5 years old).

That night, when I got back, I felt a little more okay, a little more stable, and everything started to make more sense. Day by day, through my friends, the memories I'm making, and the newly found comfort of my dorm (once they turned my heat off and I finally unpacked), everything started to feel a little homier.

Going back and forth between two lives isn't easy. I would never have thought I would be wanting to stay home at the beginning of break, but I think that coming back to my hometown from college gave me a new appreciation for everything that I have there, and I realized I'd rather have something worth missing than nothing at all.

I still miss my family, friends, and hometown life crazy, but they will be there when I get back, and for now, I will continue my journey here, and appreciate everything God has given me in sweet ol' Lubbock Texas.