Having Feelings For Your Best Friend

I've Had Feelings For My Best Friend For Years, But I'm Choosing Not To Act On Them

I'm not sure he even has the slightest idea, even friendship wise, how important he is to me.

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A lot of times when people say they have a "secret," what they really mean is they've only told a few, strategically selected close people in their lives.

What I mean by secret is, I've only told my closest friends about these unsettled feelings I've had for four years, for the first time this past week.

When you tell someone your feelings, especially if it's someone that has no idea, and plays a crucial part in your everyday life. Someone who has seen you bawl your eyes out in agony, cry tears of joy, and just overall knows way more about you than anybody should, it is definitely important to weigh the odds.

Odds are, it won't work out.

Odds are, they don't feel the same.

Odds are, you lose one of the most important people in your life and you'll never be able to rekindle the connection in the same way again, and that just fucking sucks.

There's a lot of reasons why I haven't revealed my feelings to him. The biggest reason is that just because I like someone doesn't mean I want to be with them. I've let go of some of the best connections I've ever had because I knew I couldn't deliver the type of love and attention they truly deserved. And in this case, I just don't feel like I could ever be as great of a lover to him, as he could potentially be to me. I don't think he wouldn't feel the same, I just don't think it can ever work out, at least not at this moment.

And I'll tell you why.

We're both growing and just starting to be the people who we always wanted to be. We're both creators, artists, in different crafts. He inspires me now more than he ever has in our friendship. He has become my confidant and holds such a high value in my life. I'm not sure he even has the slightest idea, even friendship wise, how important he is to me. I don't think that when we're diving into exploring who we are, that a romantic connection will help either of our growths. And for the both of us, I want to be selfish and put ourselves before whatever connection could ever grow from this in the future or not.

We're both dating. Not to mention, know a lot of details about each other's dating lives and history. And there are some things both of has said about our dating lives that makes it impossible for us to ever work currently. For example, traveling is something that has always been important to me. I love connecting with people I wouldn't otherwise meet unless I was at the right time and the right place, and he is currently having this same realization. The realization that someone local probably isn't going to cut it for us. And if I told you how local he lived, he would know, but I guess that doesn't matter anymore. So, I'll tell you this: the proximity between us is closer than the word local.

And lastly, we're both not ready to settle down. I just can't picture us playing house and pretending like we are totally OK with being with each other for the rest of our lives, like tomorrow. I know that telling my best friend about my feelings doesn't mean I have to marry them, but the truth is, I see him being in my life for years to come, whether he's waiting for me at the end of the aisle, or in the front row crying because he's so happy I found that type of bond with another human.

Even though I get a little cringed when I hear him talk about that girl he fucked on vacation, and even though every part of me melts when I hear him say how important I am to them, I just don't think now is the right time. And even if he reads this, and knows the truth, I'll still not be ready to do anything about these unsettled feelings. So until then, if you're reading this I want you to know a couple of things I never say enough:

Your warmth has always inspired me.

You never let me sit and dwell on the negative and I couldn't thank you enough for that.

Your confidence to do whatever you want, makes me want it for myself too.

Your guidance, long talks for hours, and laughs in between both of our tears will always have a permanent home in my heart, and influence on who I am.

You are the sweetest, kindest person I have ever come across, without even trying.

You live so authentically and honestly, I am forever thankful I even get to call you one of my closest friends.

And even though there are tears in my eyes as I finish writing this, know that I'll always love you no matter what role you fill in my life.

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To The Girl Who Always Feels Left Out

Maybe next time...
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To the girl who always feels left out,

Girl, let me just tell you, I know the feeling. It feels as though my whole life, I have been that girl. You know that feeling when you are standing in a group of people and someone comes up and asks everyone to go to lunch in that group... But you?

Or they make it even worse by saying "Oh, I guess you can come too." You guess I can come to?

No, thank you.

At that point, you feel like the only reason you are being invited is that they feel like they have to. Which more than likely is actually the case. What about when you ask your friend to hang out and she can't because she will be doing homework all night? However, an hour later, you see her with your other best friend. Oh okay cool, sorry for bothering you with my friendship.

You know you are the girl who is always left out when you are the designated "photographer" or you have to specifically ask if you can take a picture with them because they are obviously done taking pictures and did not want one with you.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who 'Float' Between Friend Groups

We all know "Hey, will you take this picture of us?" all too well. Am I right, ladies? Oh yeah, it is fine. I hate being in pictures. I definitely hate taking pictures to remember this wonderful time I'm having.

What about when you and your friends discuss doing something later during the week and you ask about it but "It's probably not happening anymore." Then you check and would you look at that, your "friends" are having fun without you.

Shocker.

Oh but don't worry about it, I had things to do anyway. You know, clean the house, work on homework that is due next week, binge-watch The Office for the third time this week. Fun stuff. Oh and better yet when you see your friends are hanging out without you. The next time they see you, they talk about how much fun they had.

Oh yes, please tell me about how much fun you had without me. I totally enjoy hearing about how "I totally missed out" and "I should have come." Well, an invite would have been well appreciated. But maybe next time, right? Wrong.


Yeah, I know what you are thinking, "Wow this girl is being so petty." Well if you are thinking that, then you obviously do not know the feeling. And to think about it, you probably are not the one in the friend group who is being left out. So think about who that person is and make them feel included next time. It would be greatly appreciated. You do not know how much of a difference it could make.

Yes, I know everyone feels left out sometimes, but time after time, it starts to get really old. Then after you have to start inviting yourself to hang out with people, you realize well since they are not inviting me themselves, maybe they don't want me here. And then surprisingly, you stop hanging out with them. Hmmm, I wonder what could've possibly happened.


Yes, I know, most people do not do this on purpose. I am sure I have even done it once or twice without realizing it, and I am truly sorry.

From one left out girl to another,

Good Luck

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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I'm Scared To Ask Boys To Hang Out Because Society Has Led Me To Believe That I'll Seem Desperate

Ladies, would you ask a man out?

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Let's get this all out, I'm an anxious person. I suffer from "slight" anxiety, I wouldn't say it's horrible, but I deal with it. Nerves, it's something I'm quite familiar with in life, nerves and I are friends, actually. I've dealt with "slight" anxiety for years and it has stopped me from doing many things, which I regret. My "slight" anxiety has reappeared once again in the situation involving the male gender.

I'm not going to act as I've never talked to boys before because I have and it's not the scariness things for me, but when it involves boys I like, it's a whole new situation. Once I start developing any sort of feelings for boys I like, I turn into an anxious mess. That over-thinking, can't say the right words, too scared to embarrass myself anxious mess.

Well recently, that anxious feeling mess of myself has undoubtedly come back to life in some shape or form with this one particular boy. I think it's time to dive into Aby's semi-complicated by not really complicated sort of, just being dramatic love life. So, there's this boy that I've found attractive for quite a while, it's great to admire from afar. I always knew he was there, we were friendly, and nothing really came from that until recently.

In the past month or so this boy has been giving me the most mixed signals I've ever had in my lifetime. Do you like me? Do you not? Are you flirting with me? Ae you just being friendly? I've liked many boys in my time, but I've never thought so much about what this one particular boy and what his deal is? It's been over a month and I still can't figure him or it out, so I've been thinking of doing something every girl is somewhat afraid of, asking a boy to hang out.

I know, it sounds so small and sort of dumb, but doing something like this petrifies and turns me into a nervous, anxious mess. I'll be one hundred percent honest that I want a summer fling, someone to do all those fun things together without the commitment of a boyfriend. It's the beginning of summer, which means I need to start sorting my options out right now.

Here's the issue, I want to ask him to hang out, but I'm scared to ask because I don't want to seem desperate at all. Society has led us to believe that men should be asking girls out instead of vice-versa. In all honesty, it's a bit messed up, but I've been led to believe that "guys ask girls out". So, I've always waited to be asked out because that's what society has taught me and that's what I've allowed.

Now, I'm preparing myself to ask this boy to hang out and I'm getting quite anxious, all the possibilities. What if he doesn't like me? Thinks I'm ugly? Figures out that I can't drive? Hates me? Thinks I'm annoying, oh gosh, the endless possibilities. One thing I know is that I have to try, so I'm going to be bold and ask him to hang out.

It's scary, I'm scared, but I'll never know if I don't try, which is true. Life is filled with mysteries and you won't know if you don't look, right? So, I'm going to get over my anxiety and just try, wish me luck in attempting to ask this boy to hang out.

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