Lara Jean was not lying when she said that when a crush is so strong and her passion is just so intense, she writes a long love letter addressed to each crush, but never sends them. If this movie, To All The Boys I've Loved Before came out my freshman year in college about 3 years ago, I may have just done the same thing as Lara Jean. I remember when I first laid eyes on him. I knew nothing about him and did not even know his name. All I knew was that this intense feeling hurt more than it did in high school.

He was a captain, older, and genuinely the cutest kindest human being I've ever spoken to during the duration of my freshman year. My heart would pump 10x faster when I saw him and 5x faster when someone spoke about him. I became so interested but became shattered when I found about he was a senior. I was a tiny little freshman who didn't know where the damn business building was but knew that he was my main focus. Now I am a junior who has almost every class in that business building and have not seen or spoke to him in over a year.

The way I strive now could have helped my game three years back when he found out I had an immense crush on him. I mean it was pretty obvious. I became head over heels when he passed by and could not speak, safe to say though I never noticed any drool falling from the corner of my mouth. My first memory I recall would probably be when he asked me to hand him something and I handed him the completely and totally wrong thing, maybe not my favorite but one I can never forget. My brain could not even process what he was saying because everything was in slow motion in that exact moment. That's when I knew this crush was deeply intense.

I worked up the courage to send him a message on social media and eventually got his number... that I texted probably once. But it was a good conversation that never leads anywhere. Needless to say, I lost his number and a decent amount of interest, but if he came around again I'd be right back on it. Not to mention we did flirt one time and that made me blush for several weeks. So sad right?

Little interactions with girls can make their whole day, it can make them swoon. But to guys, a "hey how are you" or a smile is only just that. A smile to a girl will make her open her group chat and yell in all caps, "HE JUST SMILED AT ME" followed by a bunch of random letters because you can't contain your excitement. That has happened more than a handful of times and it still does.

Needless to say, I know why I liked him so much, but I don't know why I adored him as much as I did and why he will always be my crush. I do miss his smile and care-free personality, I miss seeing him on the ice every weekend. I may just write an intense love letter whenever I miss him and stow it away in a beautiful handcrafted box hoping, just hoping, that no one will ever find it and send it to him. But if it does happen and he picks me up in his Jeep Wrangler and asks me to be in a fake relationship with him, I wouldn't be that upset.