[confidence: as defined by Merriam-Webster online: n. a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something]
I wish I was confident. I wish I was confident in more ways than one. Granted, I’ve grown used to keeping my head slightly tilted down as I walk to class, or keep my hand down when the teacher asks a question. But if you were to have seen me four years ago, you would never hear a peep out of me. If you did, that was all you got. No one knew my true personality and characteristics until they were actually close with me, until I could trust them. Confidence was not, is not, my forte, but I’m slowly introducing that trait into my life.
It may be a small conversation with someone I don't know, or the challenge of making new friends, such as the girls on my floor, but building up confidence, at least for me, means taking baby steps. It’s small little feats in the world that give me a little boost, so I can move on up to do bigger and better thing.
Now, don’t get me wrong; those big leaps in my life, like opening up to someone or performing a presentation in my public speaking class aren’t easy. Ask anyone, especially my roommate, and you’ll be met with facts about my small, but dragged out anxiety attacks and freakouts the nights before. The panicky feelings I get before anything having to do with a task requiring confidence are met with shaking knees and a pounding heart: no matter good or bad.
I wish I was confident enough to raise my hand in class and not be afraid if I got the answer wrong, to just add my opinion into the conversation instead of just sitting and listening, observing but not contributing. Take it from someone who has stayed inside their own shell for eighteen years: being shy and afraid gets boring.
Trust me: it gets tiring wanting to say something, but being afraid of standing out and not being accepted. College, though, has helped tremendously by prying me out of my shell. Having an outgoing roommate as crazy as the one I have has forced me in the best way possible to be social. It’s still hard, don’t get me wrong. Some days the conversations don’t flow and I would want nothing more than a giant metal claw to come scoop me out of the situation that I’m in and successfully remove me, unlike how the claws games actually work.
I’m looking not only to be a better person, but a better version of myself. Confidence is like beauty: it has all different shapes and sizes and everyone is confident in their own way. Slowly, I’m working on my own confidence and hopefully realizing my full potential. What’s one thing that makes you confident? Better yet, what’s one thing that you’re confident about? Again, my challenge is to think outside of the box and do something that will make you fee good about yourself. Something that might give you a little boost.
Until next time, have faith in yourself and believe that you can do anything.
XX
