Have you ever felt lost?
Have you ever felt so down that even just reading this article seems like work? It is one of the worst feelings in the world. There are times where you do not even have the energy to watch T.V or be on your phone. That being with friends or family feels like a burden on your time.
Where falling asleep is the only time that peace and tranquility can overcome you. Your dreams are the moments of release from the world around you. That during those precious moments of deep slumber, you are finally able to be anxiety free.
I know there have been times where showering seems like the most impossible task. And even if I do get myself into the shower, there are times I think, "How did I ever get myself to do this?". It's not that I do not like being clean, it is just that the act of stripping down to nothing and feeling the water fall onto my naked body reminds me of my vulnerability and it is in there that realizations come at me like a bullet from a gun. So fast, so damaging.
There is times that food is so tasteless but I keep on eating because my mind is screaming "eat! you'll feel better", but my taste buds have seemed to run away because they can't even stand to be present.
It is bittersweet to stand outside and feel the wind caress my face so gently. It is here that I feel the beauty of the world and the awareness of being alive. Every facial receptor feels the wind and it sends it shivering down my spine. The world is simply amazing, but how come I feel so lost? It is bitter to be in a world full of beauty but only feel its darkness.
There is times that the world is painted with extravagant colors but once my mind realizes that this moment is only a moment, the world around me shifts to a grey scale and there I am, once again. Sulking in the darkness that only I can feel, hear, witness, be.
Now, I have sat at this throne of misery far too many times, but every time it passes. I conquer it every time, and will continue to conquer it every time it snakes its way back into my life. I have learned that it is merely just a moment of darkness and that the light will always shine through. I will not succumb to this darkness because it is only temporary.
