I wish you were still here.

I looked for an empty seat at graduation and imagined you cheering me on when I turned my tassel to the left and threw my cap into the air. I wanted you to help carry the last heavy box when I moved into my dorm. This is my first time living on my own. I need you to tell me everything will be okay and that you’re just a phone call away. I need you to be there when I get married, to walk me down the beautiful aisle filled with pink rose petals. To be there during the major milestones in my life.

I do admit it gets tough around here without you dad, but I think you would be proud of how far we've made it since you've been gone.

It was a casual weekend at my friend's house. We had just gotten back from riding bikes around the neighborhood and were about to devour pizza rolls her mom had made us for lunch. My house was catty-corner from hers, which was awesome because who wouldn't want to be neighbors with their BFF?

Life was great. At age 9, I didn't have a phone, so the only way to get ahold of me was calling the house line. I remember speaking to my mom; she had asked me to come home right now. Her voice sounded concerned, yet weary.

I was never a trouble maker, but the way she spoke made me think I had done something horrible. I quickly got on my bike and pedaled as fast as I could home. I knew something was not right. I walked through the front door into the living room; sitting there on the couch were my parents and my sister. She looked just as confused as I was; what had we done?

Anxiety shot through my veins. I knew what they were about to tell us wouldn't be good. My mom grabbed hold of both of our hands. I looked up at my dad, not realizing how puffy his eyes had been from crying. He looked back and said those three words that gave our world an unexpected 360.

"I have cancer"

I looked forward to each morning. Mom would be the first to go to work, then we would drop Kimberly off to junior high. After, we would stop at the mini mart gas station right off of Fleur. You would grab a can of Diet Pepsi and a Reese's peanut butter cup for me. You told me that this convenience store had the best tasting soda and candy. That's why we never went anywhere else to get our treats, but I think you were just trying to be silly.

It's safe to say mom would not be happy if she found out about what I had for breakfast every morning! T-1 hour until I was dropped off to school, which meant 60 minutes to make crazy videos of us dancing and packing our lunches for the day ahead.

It was never a dull moment with you

After you were diagnosed, you suddenly became weaker and weaker. You acted like it was nothing and powered through — as though you weren't in pain, hoping I wouldn't notice, but I did. The smallest activities, like playing board games or even going for walks, became a challenge. I realized our lives were changing faster than expected.

I don't know if I am ready to lose you yet, dad

While most of my friends were spending their time at the movies or rollerblading around the neighborhood, I was holding your hand while you underwent yet another treatment of chemotherapy. I didn't mind it though; I loved coming here with you because the nurses let me eat the treats and sit in the cool reclining chairs that had small TVs connected to them.

A few weeks after treatments I noticed your hair gradually fall out and you becoming fainter. Some nights I could hear you spewing up the medicine that the machine had pumped you with

After you tucked me into bed that night, I must have dozed off. I remember being woken up to pounding on the wall in the room next to me. You were crying for help because you couldn't breathe; you said your chest felt like a dozen bricks were on top of you. I was cuddling my blanket, scared that this might be it. The last time you make sure there were no monsters under my bed.

I was frozen in fear, unsure of what to do, afraid to even do anything. Through the crack of my door I saw paramedics take you away on a tall stretcher. You looked at me — a look of sorrow and shame — almost like you let me down.

I wish you were here today so I could tell you that I was never let down by you. You taught me to be strong with whatever life throws my way. I was putting my brave face on for you, dad. But I hope you didn't notice how terrified I actually was.

I know you want to keep fighting dad, but you don't have to be the superhero anymore. You can let go now.

Yet another day in the hospital, waiting for you to wake up from surgery. Mom and I left the room and went to get food in the cafeteria. The hospital was a maze of long white hallways; I always got lost in here. Mom took me down one of those endless hallways and bent down next to me and said, "Dad isn't getting any better. I want you to be strong for your siblings.” I could see the heartbreak in her eyes.

"Dad is going to die"

I liked this place they took you to, dad. They have so many movies to watch, books I have always wanted to read (you know how much I love to read!), and I can't forget to mention the ENDLESS amounts of sherbet ice cream they had — our favorite snack!

I could tell you were relaxed and not in so much pain anymore. The nurses here were taking good care of you. I liked this place they took you to, dad.

Mom picked me up from school that day. I was so excited to show you the picture I made for you in class! As we walked through the front door, unlike the routinely times I had been there, something was different. There was a white curtain blocking your doorway. Why was that there? Why were there more nurses in your room?

Before I knew it, mom burst into tears and gave me a hug so tight that it crumpled the picture I had made for you.

Just like that. No more memories. Laughs. Nothing would be the same anymore without you.

Dad, I wish we had more time together. Now that I am older I have so many questions to ask you. I wish I got to know you more.

But I am thankful for the time we spent

So much has changed since you died, dad. We graduated, went to college, we even live in a different home now.

I think you would be proud of us. This tragedy was a learning experience for all of us; it made our family so much closer. My perspective towards life changed also; I learned not to take life so seriously or take anyone for granted. Life is incredibly short — you really have to make every day count because tomorrow is never promised. You did a great job of raising us and showing us what true love was with mom. For you, I am grateful.

I miss you every day, but somehow I think you know that. Thank you for the lessons, memories, and the father/daughter bond we shared. I am thankful for the love you imprinted on my heart.

I am blessed I had a father like you to look up to.

Rest in paradise, daddy.