I have a bad habit of thinking without speaking.

I also have a bad habit of speaking without thinking, but I think that's a different subject altogether. More often than not, I am quiet if I am around more than one person who is not a member of my immediate family. More often than not I simply listen to what people have to say, or let them talk over me. More often than not, in a room full of people, I feel completely alone.

I stay quiet, tend to live within myself. I do not voice the things within me – sure, every now and then I write them down, but up until I started writing for Odyssey I never shared anything, and most of what I write for Odyssey is, unfortunately, not what I want it to be. Not deep enough, long enough, important enough, kind enough.

I simply cannot take the thoughts in my mind from their resting place. I cannot transcribe the words in my head to words on paper, and if I cannot put them on paper than I cannot spontaneously speak them during a conversation.

So I think and do not speak.

I guess this is good in some cases. At least I do not put my foot in my mouth too often. But still, I feel I should not stay so quiet. I'm starting to realize it is not always a good thing. Maybe there's not anything terribly wrong with not voicing my thoughts, but what if my thoughts could actually mean something to someone, and I chose not to say it? What if what is going on in my own head could mean the difference between a good or bad day for someone else? Confusion or understanding? Distress or hope?

Now, I'm not going to be so conceited as to assume that all of my thoughts have that great power, but the truth is, they could. They could at least have the power to make someone's day better. I know this because it happens to me all the time, through compliments, jokes, little notes, or other random things that people don't even realize means something to me.

So, if the little things people say to me mean something to me, who's to say that my thoughts can't do the same?

I've been trying to make an effort of late, to be kinder to people, to love better. This involves thinking and then speaking. Not an easy task, unfortunately. I've noticed that I tend to get wrapped up in myself. I've noticed that if I do say and do something nice for someone else and they don't do it in return I sometimes feel a little jilted. I've also noticed that when I do voice these thoughts and they do mean something to people, their eyes light up. They smile, they thank me, they look a little happier. That's a good thing.

I still have a hard time sometimes – I'll say something and then regret it because it was vulnerable and expressive in a way I don't like to be. Sometimes I'll say something that sounds deep in my head but out loud just sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo nobody came for. Sometimes I feel awfully alone in a room full of people and this idea enters my head: nobody cares what you have to say so just don't say it.

I know that's not true – people do care, and I am thankful for those people. I am thankful for those people who have made me feel loved, who have listened to me, who have made my life better with their words and their smiles. I would like to do the same for them – I hope I do the same for them.

I have a bad habit of thinking without speaking, but I've been thinking about it, and I've come to a conclusion: if it is uplifting, if it is loving, hopeful, or kind, it should be spoken. There will always be someone, somewhere, who needs to hear it.

I am sure I will still be very quiet. It's who I am. I just hope that when I do speak from now on I am a little bit kinder.