Writing is my escape. My safe haven. My eye in the storm. I hate writing.

I hate writing because I have experience. I am aging and with aging come wisdom and experience which is our lifeline of hurts, regrets, sorrows, joys, celebrations and happiness. I have been through a lot of firsts in my life, like my first day of middle school and high school, first day of college and first day of work. I have had a first love and a first heartbreak. I have had a first risk and a first fall. With firsts come results and those results mark the end of a milestone in life. I hate writing because it means I have experience.

Have you ever noticed that most writers are dark and write about heartbreaks and problems more than how great everything is going in life? This isn't because they are all weird or "messed up" and we most definitely are not twisted like Edgar Allen Poe (no offense but he's too much for me). The reason we write about such dark or bad things is simply because that is what seems to always happen in life. We have been taught since we could write that with all stories comes a basic template consisting of an exposition, a rising action, a climax, a falling action and then a resolution. The climax is defined as the turning point of the story or better known as when the problem or danger is introduced. In other words, we were taught to create problems and bad things while writing. I hate writing because it means we have bad things to talk about

I hate writing because I am terrified. I am scared that if I tell someone to their face that I disagree with them that I will be attacked. I am scared that if I speak up and show my face to the world of haters and killers that I will be just another name on the list of victims of these acts of treason. I hate writing because I am scared and I am sick of being scared.

At some point someone has told me in my life that I couldn't do it. At some point in my education someone has told me I wouldn't make it. At some point in my athletic career someone told me I wouldn't go far. At some point in my friendships someone told me I wasn't good enough. At some point in my relationships someone has told me I wasn't worth their time anymore. The people that encouraged me and told me otherwise outnumber the negatives. The sad thing is, negative is louder than positive in society and we are taught to tread lightly so that we don't have to endure such horrible things. I hate writing because I have been broken down and unfortunately, writing is one of the few things that speaks louder and longer than negative words.

I hate writing because I have a hope for a better future. The reason this is bad is because that means our present is sickening to think about. We are yelling. We are pointing fingers. We are getting even instead of compromising. We are killing. We are blaming, and hurting, and crying and protesting. Nothing comes of the negative but it is the only thing that gets heard today so we continue to do it until we are blue in the face or dead because someone who disagreed snapped.

I hate writing because I didn't used to be a good writer. I wasn't good at writing because I didn't need to write. I didn't need to write because I was happy and safe. I wasn't good at writing because we were on our way to our future and hopeful. I wasn't good at writing because I could love and trust and respect without fear of rejection or being blindsided by pain. I hate writing because I was no longer heard. I hate writing because the only way to stay sane and make a difference is to get good at writing. I hate writing because I am now good at writing and it is all thanks to the world we live in. It is time to make a change.