I don't know if you all have heard about this popular franchise called the Harry Potter series. If you have, you know how it is corrupting children all around our world!

If you haven't, don't worry, I'm here to inform you all about the toxic things that your child will learn if they dare read this series. Here we go...

1. There's magic in the world

Can you imagine?! A world with no beauty, marvel, and delight, all synonyms of magic? A world where everything is bland, boring, and rough, sounds amazing, right?!

2. True friendship never fails you

Oh my goodness. Who needs friends these days?! Come on Rowling! And especially loyal friends?! I'm disgusted...

3. Racism is toxic

Anybody else rooting for Voldemort here?? I hear he gives great hugs. But only to his kind, no mudbloods or muggles allowed!

4. Face your fears

Oh heck no! You stay in that corner for the rest of your life if you so need.

5. Do something, don't just dream it

Well, dreaming does fall under believing in a happy, magical world, so this is a lose-lose situation we've got here. Its better to just sit and stare blankly at a wall.

6. Family is more important than gold

Harry might take a family over his mountains of gold any day, but not us! Who need family? We already said we don't need friends!

Living life all alone in a beige apartment with no windows is the living the dream! Oh, sorry, not living the dream... is living!

7. The ones we love never truly leave us.

Sorry kid, once you're dead everyone forgets about you and you're just dust.

8. It's OK to be different

Looney Lovegood is right! She needs to get her act straight and blend in with the rest of Ravenclaw house. Deny who you are or you'll never make true friends. Not that that's important, am I right, or am I right?

9. The way to really know someone

"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." ~Sirius Black

What the actual heck?! Screw your inferiors! Kiss the butts of everyone higher or you'll never get higher yourself!

10. We can’t change our past, but we can change our future

No, no, no, no, no, no! Dwell in your past, aaaalll those mistakes and embarrassing moments. The future is nothing.

11. Stand up for yourself

No, you see it's honestly better to just let them call you names and make fun of who you are and all you care about. It's okay, it'll give you something to think about while staring at the beige walls dwelling on your past.

12. There’s more to others than meet the eye

Yeah right! Definitely go around judging a book by its cover, best way to avoid making those unwanted friends.

13. With great power comes great responsibility

I mean, Voldemort had great power and very little responsibility and he turned out just fine sooo...

Don't even get me started on all the lessons comics teach, I can't even believe I'm quoting Spider-man, excuse me while I go wash my mouth with soap.

14. Self-confidence is important

Naaaah, just be insecure and stay in your pajamas, doesn't that sound better??

15. Don't let your flaws define you

Not true, not true, if you're born with a different ability, that's who you are and all you'll ever be. Forget about a personality!

16. Never threaten someone important to another

You'll probably live, I mean... Bellatrix was unlucky, but you'll totally live to see the first day in your prison cell!

Hey! Even blander than your beige, windowless apartment! Score!

17. Older does not always mean wiser

Totally false! You should definitely go up to that old man picking his nose and eating it! You'll be amazed at his knowledge!

18. You're stronger than your demons

Demons?! Did someone say demons?! Grab the holy water!

Oh.. you just meant metaphoric, nah those are good, let them consume you.

19. Dance and laughter make everything better

What?! No! Sit your butt down and read the obituaries. Gosh.

20. All was well

Nah, the worlds pretty screwed up, you'll never find true happiness. Never. EVER!

So, if you don't want your child or teen reading about all this nonsense, do not let them read Harry Potter!

And for all you freaking out that I am serious about all this: I'm a Hufflepuff, my wand is Maple wood with a Unicorn hair core 10 ¾" and Surprisingly Swishy flexibility, my patronus is a dolphin, and my Ilvermorny house is Thunderbird. I am a Potterhead for life.