As I continue to take you through this journey with me, I want to remind you of what we will be exploring. As stated in Kate Rose's article on Elephant Journal, we get three great loves in our life.
The first love is what we think "looks right." Here is the story of my first love: To My First Love, You Deserve More.
To my second love,
You were older, mysterious, a classic bad boy. I overlooked all of that because I thought that didn't matter. I thought I could change you. I thought you would change for me. Yet again, I was wrong.
You seemed genuine and interested in me for who I was, at first. You seemed to care. You didn't.
I was just a pawn in your little game. Your best-kept secret. Your backup, not that you ever had any forerunner. I was just a game you liked to play, and you did so well.
You had me wrapped around your little finger, knowing that I cared too much and that I would do anything for you. You knew I'd say whatever you wanted so that you would be happy, regardless if I was ever happy or not.
No matter what I did, it was never enough for you. You took pieces by pieces of me, but the worst thing was that I gave them to you. You took everything, but I held open the door for you.
You criticized me, foul-mouthed me, and ultimately destroyed everything that remained when you left. Everything was all about you. You never cared for me at all, but that's okay.
Even though you caused all of this pain and destruction, I want to thank you. Thank you for destroying who I was then so that I could become who I am now.
Thank you for tearing down all of my walls. I rebuilt them to fully support my weight.
Thank you for sabotaging my confidence in myself. I have learned how to lick my wounds, get back up, and rely less on others and more on myself.
Thank you for crushing my soul, for I have become a strong, independent woman because of it.
But most of all, thank you for shattering me. I might have been completely wrecked, but from that pain, I grew to become the person that I love today.
I might have never been enough for you, but because of you, I am more than enough for me.
Now that I have reflected on what was our "relationship" I have realized that it never was about me after all. It wasn't that I was never good enough to satisfy you, you were never enough to satisfy yourself.
You might have hurt me through the process, but I never remained as damaged goods.
My father always told me that in order to fully love someone, you must first love yourself. Thanks to you demolishing who I was then, I became someone that I love now.
I may never know why you did the things that you did, but I don't want to know anymore. I thought you were going to be my big, great love, but you weren't.
It was hard, it was wrong, and all I wanted was for it to be right. But God always has something better on the way.
You might've been my hardest love, but you won't be my best love.
So, from the deepest part of my heart, I want to say one more time, thank you. I forgive you because you have made me a better person from all of that pain. I hope you become a better person for it too.
Never yours,
Your easiest love.