Recently I had an ex-boyfriend follow me on Instagram. When the notification popped up on my phone I felt the pit in my stomach fall. Why? Why was he following me, it had been years since we last talked. Part of me was in shock, part of me was happy to move on and be adults, but part of me knew something was not right. 

After he followed and unfollowed me half a dozen times all while posting about how great his new girlfriend was I took the bait and followed him. The next 24 hours were filled with his new girlfriends face over and over until he then unfollowed me and fell off the face of the planet once more. 

During those 24 hours I started to lament our relationship, what “could have been” and where it all went wrong. What made his new girl so great? Then I started to think about another ex boyfriend and another, harping on what I did wrong. What if I missed my chance and one of them was “my one”. I sat there alone thinking somber thoughts of self pity until the switch in me flipped. Why was I thinking about these stupid boys? Why do the even matter, I have moved on I am happy, so why let them creep back into my life?

I had spent years mourning lost relationship, thinking I was not worth the time or love another had to offer. After clearing my mind I had to have the same talk with myself I’ve had too many times before. Here is what I remind myself, 

I am worth it. I deserve happiness and everything that comes with it. In the time I have spent alone or with my current partner, who loves me with his whole heart, I learned that I am all I need to be happy. My success, my joys, and my laughter are not dictated by you or your memory. Happy memories remain, but that is all they are, just memories. 

I am happy with the decisions I have made in my life, they were all for me and that is they way it should be. I am proud of where I came from and proud of where I am going. You helped shape my past but you will not shape my future, that is my hands alone. While you might have had control over me and our relationship before you no longer do, it is all up to me now. 

I should not compare myself to new girls. Self love is the hardest love to have and while I may not be good at it I do know one thing to be true, she will never be me. 

I deserve better. You could not take me at my worst so you don't deserve me at my best, especially when that best it not because of you. The pain and suffering you caused is still in the back of my mind and I will not let you take over again. 

If you want to be adults, let’s be adults. We had something, it’s now history, we do not have to pretend like nothing ever happened. We can be friends, be mature, and move on with our lives but do not come back with bad intentions. This is not high school any more. 

So, next time an ex follows you , remember, you are better. You are happier. You do not need him. But thanks for the follow.