There’s a lot of talk about happiness in the world today. Make yourself happy. Make others happy. If what you’re doing doesn’t make you happy, you should drop it immediately because it’s toxic to you. Happiness, it seems, is everyone’s pursuit.

What we don’t talk about all that often is joy. Yeah, we hear about it a lot at Christmas time. Joy to the world, the good news of great joy. But during the mundane moments of our lives, there is little thought of joy.

I’m wondering if this is where some of our problems stem from. Happiness, while it feels really good, is a temporary thing. Joy is more of an attitude. Being joyful means looking the world full in the face and choosing to see even the ugly parts as beautiful. It also means finding delight among the books, papers, problem sets, and nights that drag us into the early morning hours. I think many people can look at their lives and find countless moments of happiness, but these are worthless to them because they do not find joy, underneath it all.

Where can joy be found?

Human beings, I think, are the greatest sources of joy on earth. They are also the most earnest seekers of it. We’re told to look to money, fame, social media appreciation, and tons of other outside sources, but I think the place where joy is most found is in each other. There is much more joy in a quiet night with friends than in fulfilling every material desire. Sometimes finding joy in others is better than finding joy from a direct experience. I’ve been thinking about this recently because of a concert I went to with my boyfriend and his brothers.

This concert had two headliners, both very niche, Deven-Blowers-type bands, called Thrice and Circa Survive. I knew these bands because my boyfriend, Deven, had mentioned them before, the former with awe and reverence and the latter with a mild appreciation. The music wasn’t really my style, a little too heavy, but I went because he and his brothers were very excited about it, and I wanted to experience the concert through their eyes. I was prepared to be kinda bored and tired the whole time, but I ended up having the time of my life and found an enormous smile on my face at every moment. Why?

There’s something really special about watching people you love experience great joy. It’s contagious even when you can’t share the same experience. Yes, I was watching the same concert, but it meant so much more to Deven and his brothers. It was so evident in their reactions, especially Deven’s. This, I think, is where joy can be found. Not in success or personal experiences, money or fame. In loving others, and being joyful for them and with them. In the words of Christopher McCandless, “Happiness is only real when shared.”