You would have been 81 today. I probably would have driven up to see you (even though I am drowning in work), and I would have given you that Alma shirt you kept asking for. Instead, I am sitting at my desk alone thinking about you. I don’t have a card to give you. I didn’t fill every inch of space with words of gratitude and love. I don’t have anything, but I should. Today is the day your life began, and for me, your life continues on. I thought that would show you how.
Right before I went back to school, I stayed with grandma for a couple of days. The house is quiet without you—the silence just reminds me that you’re gone. One afternoon grandma pulled out a little bag and told me it was from you. Inside was a bracelet, but you already knew that. I’m not a great believer in the afterlife, but in that moment, I knew you were standing next to me. I could picture you in the store looking for something that said “granddaughter.” That shirt I wanted to give you had “grandpa” written in cream letters. I’m sorry you never got to wear it.
Grandma said it was supposed to be my birthday present, but I have come to realize that gifts don’t cut it for me. Your bracelet wasn’t a gift: it was a reminder that you are still with me, even if I can’t explain it. To me, it’s not just an object. You couldn’t give me words this year, so you gave me a sign. I’m going to do the opposite for you.
So, my sweet grandpa, this is my birthday card to you:
Grandpa,
Happy Birthday! Since you have changed your address, you have changed my life more than you know. Every day you remind me of how loved I am, and it gives me the strength to keep pushing forward even when I feel like caving in. You shine so brightly—you enlighten my world in every possible way.
This year, your birthday is so much grander than the 80 before. Instead of celebrating your age, we are celebrating your life. Today, I am taking the time to reflect on your genuine patience, the kindness you generously shared, and the hundreds of people you have touched during your time on earth. Please know that I am one of them—that I will continue to be one of them.
I hope this day brings you joy. Even when you see our grief, know that we are all with you. Thank you for letting me know that you are with me.
All my love,
Margaret
