Here's a basic fact that it took me 20 years to learn: not everyone is going to like you. People are born into a variety of backgrounds, gaining a myriad of experiences along the way that shape them into who they are. It is that process that makes the human experience beautiful and creates a rich culture with a distinct array of individuals. No two people are exactly the same. Therefore, you cannot aspect another person to like everything that you are unless they are the same person as you. It's unreasonable to expect others to love every part of what makes you because they have not had the exact same experiences that you have.
In high school, I was never the most popular girl in school; I had my group of friends that I adored, and that should have been all that mattered. But I wanted everyone to love me. I wanted to walk down the hallway and have everyone say hi to me and feel acknowledged. In a high school of 1,900 students, it was so easy to feel insignificant, so I would constantly try to meet new people, assimilate into new friend groups, and build up my reputation, and by the end of high school, I was exhausted.
I had spent so much time and energy trying to get everyone to like me, that I ran myself down and caused myself astronomical amounts of emotional and mental stress.
While you may think I learned my lesson in high school, I didn't, and in college, I thought I could do the same thing again: gain a ton of new friends and become well known on my campus, but if it was hard to do this in a school of 1,900, a school of 43,000 would be impossible.
I quickly realized that my high school escapades would not be possible in college after a month of just trying to get everyone on my residence hall floor to like me. I gave up, and that's when something amazing happened.
I was energized, reinvigorated, and so much happier. I wasn't wasting precious mental energy thinking about whether I said the right thing in this conversation or said the wrong one in that, and I wasn't going to sleep at night wondering whether everyone secretly hated me. Instead, I stopped and appreciated all of the amazing people I had in my life, and made more of an effort to make sure they knew that they were loved.
Once I stopped caring about whether or not I was the most well-liked girl on the planet, I finally felt like myself, but a happier, better version.
I constantly think of a quote from Game of Thrones when I ponder this situation. "If you spend all your time trying to get people to like you, you'll wind up the most popular dead man in town." While that outcome is kind of extreme, the quote makes a strong point. Stop trying to please everyone and just cherish those you have around you. Trust me, you'll be a lot happier in the end.
