Tears stream down my face as I cram handfuls of Orville Redenbacher extra-butter popcorn into my trembling fifteen-year-old mouth. I sniffle, as Austin Nichols articulates what would go on shape my understanding of happiness for the next five years.
"People get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We always think that someday we'll be happy. When we get that car or that job or that person in our lives who will fix everything. But happiness is a mood and it's a condition. Not a destination. It's like being tired or hungry. It comes and goes and that's OK. And if people would think that way, they'd find happiness more often."
Now, it may sound cliche, especially coming from an early 2000's teen soap opera (One Tree Hill), but this moment, in March of 2014, would go on to be a pivotal point in my understanding and grasp of the word 'happiness'.
Five years later, and I still think back to this line from one of my *cringier* guilty pleasures from high school. Half of a decade later, and the concept has remained engraved in my memory, obviously embedded, and stored away for some reason.
"Happiness is a condition, not a destination." This idea- conviction is the mantra that keeps me going when all seems hopeless. Happiness is not some retirement home we will all reside in one day once we have reached a certain point, achieved specific goals, or accumulated just enough wealth. Happiness is fleeting- like a shooting star, or the first breath of crisp air you experience stepping outside on a cool, fall morning. Happiness can be as simple as the laughter of a baby, or as complex as saying 'I love you' for the first time. It can take form in an emotion, a feeling, a rush of excitement! Happiness can be a person, a place, a time. Songs that curl the corners of pursed lips; it is sights that flare a hot blush to rosy cheeks. Happiness is equivocal- yet it is the same universal warm-and-fuzzy feeling we all share at some point- but WHAT is it? I would describe it as a warm hug from my mother, but my sister would probably convey that a good book and a Columbian Roast coffee suffice.
While it might sound disheartening that happiness is only temporary, I view it as inspiring. Happiness is short-term so that we have room in our lives to experience the bad, so that we are capable of recognizing the good. Without sadness, or pain, we would not be able to recognize that being happy is any different than any other feeling. The idea that happiness comes and goes gives hope to the notion that the sun always rises, and that there will be better days. There will be bad days, and there will be awful days- but nothing is ever as bad as it seems. There will always be another chance to start over. There will always be another day. Early onset depression often makes happiness feel fictitious to me. Will I ever be happy? Will I stay happy? Will things get better? Why when everything is looking up, does life throw curve-balls? Am I really just this unlucky? It's been a long, and rough, path to get to where I am now, but I am here to tell you that things will always get better. Happiness is always around the corner. Sometimes we just have to hit a few more bumps in the road before we reach the express-lane. Happiness was never meant to be something we get to experience perpetually; we all experience it at different speeds and rates and to different degrees, but at some point it comes to an end, and gives way to the start of a new cycle. In a sense, the evanescence of happiness mirrors how quickly we become accustomed to scents in our surroundings. When first lighting a cupcake scented candle, the scent is unmistakable, but as time passes, our senses become accustomed to the smell and we no longer detect the once prominent aroma. Just as we adapt to our environment, we adapt to the feeling of happiness until it slowly fades into the background of our lives.
Happiness is an emotion, and a state of mind. It is similar to hunger in the sense that it can creep up out of nowhere, but is can also be as predictable as taxes. Happiness can be as extravagant as an all-inclusive vacation, or as modest as a fresh cruller on the morning drive to work. No feeling can compare to the happiness I get from seeing my mom after months away at college. Nothing can compare to the first bite of your food, or the last slice of pizza. All different- they are all unique. They are all happiness.
