I recently purchased (and highly recommend) Emma Thompson's screenplay for "Sense and Sensibility" with onset diaries. Based on her diaries in that book, I've written a five-day diary of my own experience during a show weekend. I played Lady Capulet in a one-act, devised theatre production of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, called Star-cross'd. This is the result:

Thursday, November 17

Woke up at 9:40am after my roommate left. Intended to go directly back to sleep, my body had other ideas. Watched Family Guy and did day 3 on Duolingo (I'm learning Swedish) until my roommate returned from class at 11am. Brief conversation, planned lunchtime, fell back to sleep until 12:40pm.

Turkey and stuffing with pumpkin pie for lunch. No breakfast is affecting my system more than I want it to. Return to the room needing to do more than I know I will accomplish. How am I this tired? Sign up for second semester auditions; hard to believe we are already there. Clean some clothes and head to class. Leave early to audition for Brenau's Got Talent. Head to line-through at 5pm, pick up a quick snack on the way- something has to hold me until rehearsal lets out.

Line through= better than expected. At least on my part, I am amazed at my ability to memorize Shakespeare. Haven't done it properly since 2013. The mind is an incredible thing.

Transition run for what feels like forever. Haven't been in a college show since 2015. It takes some serious break in of muscle memory to get back to it. Transition run was extremely necessary and cleared up lots of questions. Decide to wear costume, realize I've forgotten tights. I make the decision to wear my costume anyway, and pray I don't flash anyone.

We run the show, our first full run through (even though Star-cross'd is a one act, we've been running it in halves). Emotions rise much easier in full run (thank goodness, I was worried last rehearsal). I get all my lines (only one note on a beginning I skipped) and remember the movement sequences better than I'd thought. I read a book backstage during the show. Some people might find this weird, but I often do this. Unless I'm constantly onstage, I must distract myself. I always do something and I can read while listening to something else, so this works best. Re-reading a family favorite: The Autobiography of Santa Claus. Just fun, full of history, and happiness; completely separate from the work, which is just how I like it.

In all the weeks I've been living with Lady Capulet in my life, I'd not once really thought about her guilt surrounding Juliet's death. Adding my discovery of the poison vial killed me tonight. New emotions to consider, more emotions to feel. Overjoyed with how well the run felt. Everyone seems happy. There's more to do (we open Saturday), but we are at a good spot. Notes are 'nitpicking' according to director. That's a good sign.

This cast is just gorgeous. They are all so delightful, so creative, and brilliant in individual ways. We are a small grouping of seven, a little renegade troupe with a director, stage manager, and assistant stage manager, now with a lighting designer. I am having more fun than I anticipated, am learning lots, and loving every minute.

A late McDonald's dinner with the roommate at midnight. My body is exhausted and hungry, but my mind is running like crazy. Prepare for tomorrow morning, clean off makeup, look over notes from the run, and text some family members. Off to bed later than desired, but earlier than expected.

Friday, November 18

Up at 9am for a shower. Breakfast is a can of Diet Pepsi and two organic, gluten-free fig bars. Nothing too big or too stodgy, just quick and somewhat healthy. My diet, at best, can be described as collegiate.

Thank goodness we don't have scholarship hours today, the two-hour break after my two classes gives me the opportunity to do laundry: show undies and costume (black ankle-length rehearsal skirt, black leotard, black tights) will be fresh for the run tonight. A small, quick quesadilla with a Diet Coke and some grapes at lunch.

Major Moments at 2pm: SUPER INSPIRING. I love going to a school of exciting, inspiring, talented, nice people. Just superb. Scheduled second semester of classes. Snack of toast, peanutbutter and some feta cheese (forever a picky eater, I get more concerned during shows and highly selective on the pre-show snack). Another Diet Coke for a caffeine kick and off to rehearsal.

Fun, emotional, and crazy evening. One of our cast members is ill and so we've had a last minute casting change. We're all a little nervous, but our replacement is awesome and will be amazing. This is a really wonderful group of people. No matter what happens, we are always able to pull through.

Late fast food dinner again, quick look over notes, and off to bed.

Saturday, November 19

Up at 11am and happy to have slept in as long as I have. Quick breakfast and shower. My family is coming to the show this evening, adding to my nerves. I clean my costume again, heading to the theater afterward. Before the show, I drink a very large Diet Pepsi and eat a small package of Swedish Fish for caffeine and a bit of sugar. At the theater, our sick cast member has returned and the show will go on as previously planned. We have a quick run through of all the scenes she's in.

Tonight is mostly family and a few friends in the crowd- it's the closing night of Beauty and the Beast, the biggest show of the season, so a lot of the students are at that show, either in, working, or seeing.

We do the show and it goes so well. I am very honored to be a part of this project. My parents and sister love it, as does the audience. I am always impressed by this show's ability to surprise people. Everyone still hopes that Romeo and Juliet will end up together and it's beautifully tragic when they don't.

Dinner with the family and then I head to my dorm. It's strike for the big show tomorrow; it could last all day. Off to bed later than desired, but earlier than expected, as usual.

Sunday, November 20

STRIKE.

From 10am-7:30pm I am ripping apart set pieces, folding soft goods, putting away lights, and sweeping the floor. On the lunch break at 2pm, everyone is telling me that they are so excited for Star-cross'd the next night. I cannot wait for people to see it, but start to feel nerves about it for the first time, really. As a transfer student, I really haven't performed for my fellow students. I forget this fear as we finish strike. Dinner at 8pm, then off to bed. I have only one class before the Thanksgiving Break and then I'll wait the day away for the last show of Star-cross'd.

Monday, November 21

Up at 9am for a quick breakfast of fig bars and Diet Pepsi. This is my last class and I care so little, that I throw on some clothes and am nine minutes late to class. Done at 10:50am and back to my room to put clothes in the washer and laze around watching more Family Guy.

A quick lunch at 12:30pm while my clothes for the show and my towels are in the dryer. I put my clothes for Thanksgiving Break in the washer and take a long shower. I run my lines over and over again in the shower. The fear has returned. As a person with social anxiety, I can never let it get the best of me. I know my lines, I know my blocking, and I am ready for the show, I have to remind myself. When my shower's done, I change my clothes over to the dryer and decide to watch Miracle on 34th Street to keep myself calm. I do my makeup and try not to cry it off at the movie (I cry at everything).

I buy another large Diet Pepsi and a package of Swedish Fish before the show. We are apparently going out after the show, but I need a kick of energy before performing. We have a short photo call beforehand and then it's off to the races. We all receive lovely cards from director, which gets me a little emotional as per usual, but, you know, it's nice to make new friends and feels rare in this day and age.

While this performance was not my favorite, I am thrilled that I was a part of this project, that everyone was moved by it, and that we got to share this beautiful story.

Dinner with my new favorite people. I love this whole cast and crew with all my heart and I'm sad to say goodbye to this project, but happy to know what we made was wonderful and touching.

Have to clean and pack for Thanksgiving Break. Off to bed later than desired, but earlier than expected. This project will remain with me always. #happilystarcrossd