I am engaged to the man of my dreams, the one I feel God has called me to, the one I want to have my children with, the one I want to be my partner in life. We have chosen each other to live our lives with. This does not mean that we think it’ll be a happily ever after. This does not mean that we won’t drive each other crazy. This does not mean that we don’t understand the hardships and difficulties that will come when being tethered to each other for a lifetime. This means that we understand those common downfalls and we choose to go through them together.

This message is going out to the people that are consistently looking at my ring and wondering if I bought it at Meijer; to the people that ask if I’m pregnant; to the people that say I’m too young to know what I want in life; to the people that consider it honorable for me to make the decision to die for my country but choose to critique how I choose to live my life and who I choose to live it with. They say that I don’t know what I want in life yet, but they tell me that if I choose to die for my country in battle it’s okay. They look at me in college and tell me that I have to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life and I should figure it out quick, but refuse to allow me to incorporate another person in it. How has this backward way of thinking come about?

This is a prime example of #HowToConfuseAMillenial.

In a world of a 50 percent plus divorce rate (but because my generation most definitely does not make the majority of married folks, who does that mean is getting the divorce?), it is sad to see what marriage has come to. It has come to rash decisions, to a fantasy that people try to live out, because they settle for people who only half love them. It has become a punching bag for people on their bad days. I do not condemn people for getting a divorce, because I think that many divorces are better for the two people in the long run, but there must be something wrong when over half the marriages in this nation are failing.

Why are you saying I don’t know what it takes to be married when my generation is not making these statistics? We are not the ones who have lost the meaning of marriage. Why are you saying we don’t understand marriage when you cannot properly generate one yourself? Why are you saying I don’t understand the hardships when I witness it every day? Why are you saying I don’t know what I want when you still have no idea what you want? At what age am I allowed to know what I want? At what age am I capable to make these decisions then? I find it ridiculous that I have to be a certain age in order to “be mature” when in reality, it comes at very different ages for people. Ever since I have “become an adult” I realized that many adults just make it up. That nobody really knows how to live life, they just try to do it the best they can.

Yes, I recognize that some people have lived longer than me, but to say that they have more life experience, more experience with the realities of the world, I would like to put that argument to a halt. Realities of the world hit people at very different times. Who are you to say that I have not experienced that harshness? I may not have experienced some forms of it, but to say that I have been blind to it and have not received repercussions from my childhood would be a very insulting assumption.

You say that marrying young is bad, but then when you get older “all the good guys are taken”. Do you want to know why all the good guys are taken? Because people recognize a good guy when they’re young and they commit to them. And guess what? I have one of those guys. I’m doing the taking and I’m “settling” because I can’t settle any better than with him.

Then people argue “Well, you can’t do everything you wanted to do then.” How is it that you know my life goals? How is it that you know exactly what I want out of life and when? How is it so hard to fathom that maybe I can do all these things with him? Because when I go and have the adventures of a lifetime, I want him to be the one with me doing it. He is not just my lover, but my partner. He is the one that I want to have crazy stories with. I want to have my adventures with him. It honestly confuses me when people say that, because I wouldn’t want to “do everything I want to do” without someone with me.

In a society that values career, the “proper” and “appropriate” age to get married has been pushed back further and further. I want to make clear that my career is extremely important to me. Education is important to me. I do not condemn people who wait. I honestly think that when you get married it is between you and the Lord (and if you are not religious, it is between you and yourself). I also recognize that some people who are young get married for very wrong reasons. I am not saying those people don’t exist. I am just trying to fight against you putting me in that category.

I am sorry if this sounds insulting, and I’m afraid that some of my bitterness has become very evident, but I am so tired. It is so discouraging when one of the happiest times of my life has become a trial where I have to defend my life decisions. I do not get a meaningful “Congratulations!” I get a half hearted one with questioning eyes and then quick, but more frequently, glances at my stomach. Or, if I’m lucky, a “But you’re so young!” Yet if I were only a couple years older, this would not be the case.

I am so tired, guys.

It is hard to be excited and share good news when these hypocritical and insulting questions are brought up. I understand many of you are concerned, but I must say that this concern will only be brought up in vain. If you are part of my generation and questioning it, recognize that you may not be ready to get married, but I may not necessarily be in the same boat. If you are in the older generation, recognize that you may not have been ready when you were my age (or thought you were and it didn’t turn out well), but that’s okay because we’re different people.

Everyone who we love is supporting Joel and I in this. And that in itself is a blessing. Our families, our friends, and our God are all being a big support in this and Joel and I are happy with that. We are all planning a wedding and are excited to do so. So if the people who are closest to us are happy and supportive, why aren’t you satisfied?

This post is for my generation. It is for all the young married couples that married for the right reason. It is for the confused young adults who feel trapped in whatever way we choose to live. It is for the generation that does not necessarily have a good example to follow and is confused as to how to proceed. It is for the young people that are trying to speak but no one will listen to them. It is for the generation where the older generation is either trying to live vicariously through them or trying to correct their own mistakes through them. It is for the young adults who never had a childhood and are told they still haven’t experienced the harshness of life because they aren’t old enough. It is for the young people with old souls and have their head on straight. It is for the young people who know exactly what they want to do but are criticized for it. It is for the young people who follow God’s calling and are still questioned.

This is for them. Because it’s important.

Our voices should not be silenced with the excuse of “inexperience”.

If my words fall flat to you, please consider the consequences of treating young adults as unqualified and inexperienced. Maybe freshness is what this nation needs right now. Please consider the consequences of writing us off. Please consider the consequences of treating our generation how an older one treated yours. Because maybe it’s time to change.