Black Lives Matter. Blue Lives Matter. All Lives Matter. Regardless of what you believe, or if you just prefer to stay out of this controversy, I think we can all agree on one thing: the way this country stereotypes its minority populations negatively alters our perception of reality, and it really is a shame.

With all of the controversial instances of police violence in the past several years and the publicity of these acts, an unanticipated and potentially lethal side effect has begun to emerge. Some police officers are now becoming tentative to engage because if things go south, they could be accused of racially profiling or discriminating. And such discrimination does definitely happen—there’s no denying that. And we do have a major problem in this country with police acting too hastily. But now we’re starting to see the opposite—police under-responding, which can be even more dangerous and lead to even more loss of life.

This issue really hit home for me over this past summer. My brother and his friends were playing with their air-soft guns in some woods in my neighborhood (which they are allowed to do) when passing fire truck saw one of the boys walking through the trees with what looked like a semi-automatic rifle and called the police. My brother and his friends were surrounded by law enforcement and handcuffed on the ground at gunpoint until the mistake was realized. No one was hurt and no shots were fired, but if one of the boys made a sudden movement or one of the officers had gotten nervous, things could have ended very differently. I actually thought it was funny at the time. I laughed about it. I’m not laughing now.

I personally know one of these friends because we graduated in the same class. A few weeks after this incident when we were discussing it, he mentioned something that stopped me in my tracks. Ever so casually, he dropped the bombshell, “but let’s be honest, they would’ve shot me before they shot your brother,” even though they were standing right next to each other, equally open targets.

My brother is white. My friend is black. It was one of the rare moments in my life that I was truly speechless. It struck me how scarily true his remark was. I got one tiny, infinitesimal glimpse of that it must feel like to worry about someone’s safety from those who are supposed to protect them, even when they’re not doing anything wrong.

So why do we have this problem? Why, in some cases, are certain races viewed as more of an immediate threat than others? It's because we, as a society, are caught in a vicious cycle of distrust between law enforcement and minority groups, one that manifests in fear and anger. Police, as part of their oath to protect, do not want to hurt anyone, and most do not unless they feel threatened. And most people in trouble with the law do not want to hurt anyone either; most do not pose any threat. And yet, they still get hurt.

We have a lot to do in order to repair race relations in this country. In police interactions, cooler heads always prevail, on both sides, but this is not enough. People raising their hands in surrender still get shot, and police who are trying to protect innocent civilians still get hurt and killed in the line of duty. Our police forces can do much better. Some officers have hurt innocent people in the course of their actions or used excessive force, possibly rationalized by stereotypes or unreasonable suspicion. But on the other side of the same coin, if you try to resist arrest, fight back, make sudden movements, insult officers, or do anything suspicious when confronted by police, your actions may be interpreted as threats.

Staying calm and not panicking at all is what kept my brother, my friend, and the other boys safe and alive that afternoon. But so many people across America do not feel safe in their own neighborhoods, and they see those who dedicate their lives to serving and protecting as the greatest threats.

Consequentially, we’re seeing a dangerous trend of under-policing emerge behind all of the graphic videos of police violence circulating around on the internet. The law enforcement system itself is becoming more polarized in its response, with some crossing the line and some chronically underreacting to dangerous situations. This just perpetuates the cycle of fear on both sides. Civilians fear for their safety, while police officers fear for their livelihood. Neither deserves to have either taken away.

There is no panacea for this issue. It has to start within the communities themselves; repairing relationships one by one. One police unit, and one neighborhood at a time.