Passed over for a promotion you’ve worked three years to get. A rejection letter from the grad school you’ve dreamed of attending. It’s been two weeks since any family or close friend has called you. The boy you love doesn’t love you. Your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.
We’ve all experienced disappointments. And I’m not talking about someone eating your last piece of pizza or your favorite show getting canceled type of disappointments. I’m talking about that heart-wrenching feeling when something you’ve poured so much effort and emotion into comes to naught. We all know what it is to be overlooked or under-appreciated, to be ignored or rejected. And whether you’re as humble as the Dalai Lama or an egocentric 20-something, these pains hurt deep.
Recently, I experienced a huge disappointment in my soccer career. And this piled onto the feelings of under-appreciation I was experiencing in one of my personal relationships. I snapped. And if I were still the person I was three years ago, my house would be riddled with holes by now, and I would be a seething ball of fiery anger waiting to explode on the next person who prodded me. Thankfully, for myself, for my roommates and for anyone else I’m about to encounter, growth is possible and I’m not quite such a hot head anymore (keyword: quite).
My first reaction was anger and then sadness. I walked away from the field, pitying myself and my situation, feeling entirely useless and unnecessary. But even as those negative thoughts pinged around my brain, I knew I was being ridiculous and that I had to spin the situation into a positive light.
What’s more beneficial? Allowing myself to fall into a self-sabotaging downward spiral fueled by copious amounts of liquor that would most likely end up with me coming to in the emergency room…again? Or transforming my emotions into the fuel that I will use to push myself to be better? That’s an obvious one in theory. But in practice, oh, that downward spiral can be so much fun!
A big step in life, I’ve come to learn, is knowing how to choose between these two paths. I used to consistently allow myself to be overwhelmed by my emotions. I’d alienate myself from all of my friends by being rude and condescending, and then by the time I’d managed to get myself back together, I’d have no on there waiting for me. You can imagine this was an unhealthy and painful way to get on in life.
I’ve never been the everything-happens-for-a-reason chick, but I do think that something good can always be pulled out of the bad. All it takes is a change in perspective, to see your situation differently, that can help you to choose the other path. As I walked away from the field that day, the thought dawned on me that this is merely a chance for me to prove to myself that I can be better. A chance to prove that I could control my anger (which I did), and continue to respect and play with my teammates and my coach (which I have). I turned my disappointment on its head, and it became an opportunity.
I think these days we all get too caught up in the bad things. We all see the idiocy in the world on television and read about all the suffering of our fellow man online. And being surrounded by so much negativity, it’s hard not to translate that mindset into our personal lives. But it’s important, now more than ever, that positivity reigns. A life lived glaring at all the bad in the world, is a life wasted. A life finding the positive in anything and everything seems the only remaining option.
I’m not saying that anyone who reads this ought to be an enlightened and eternally happy person. Hell, I’ll probably go to game night with my friends later and leave cursing their names. But next time you experience one of those supreme disappointments; next time the loan you needed for a new car falls through; next time the trip you’ve been planning for a year gets canceled; or even the next time you heart gets broken, look for the good. This world has enough dark and twisty in it already, we might as well add a little light.
