Two years ago I embarked on a journey of seeing myself the way that Jesus sees me. I began this journey as a self-conscious freshman girl with mountain-sized insecurities. After years of wrestling with eating disorders and mental illness galore, I didn't want to see myself the way that the media sees me anymore. I wanted to see what Jesus sees. So I took a step forward. For a month, I didn't wear any makeup at all. Instead, whenever I would feel self-conscious, I would remind myself that I am called his beautiful creation and I am made in his image.
After a month passed, I took my second step. This came in the form of me not doing my hair for a month. With every step forward It became easier and easier to walk towards Jesus. It was as if with each thing I gave up, I was taking stones out of my backpack and laying them on the trail behind me.
The final two things made the greatest impact on my road towards Jesus. The first of those was getting rid of my social media accounts. I came to a point in my life when I was comparing myself to everybody else, all day long. Scrolling through beautifully posed girls, and Christians who seemed like that had achieved perfection. That they were no longer on their road towards Jesus, but they had arrived. It was toxic for me. I took on this inferiority complex in my faith, that Jesus had never intended for me to harbor. So I took the giant rock out of my backpack and threw it away from my path. That's when I wasn't walking anymore, I couldn't help but start jogging.
And the final rock that was by far the hardest to give up, was shaving. I was terrified. I wouldn't even go outside if I hadn't shaved for three days. I was ashamed of the body that God gave me. I didn't want to see myself like that anymore. I didn't want to feel disgusting for having the hair that we were made to grow. So on May 24, 2017, I quit shaving altogether. It was uncomfortable and awkward, but I would go out in my shorts with the confidence that God had been instilling in me, and I never apologized for the way I was made. With that final rock taken out of my backpack, I could finally run. No shackles on my feet, no weight holding me down; and boy, I ran.
Now I stand here still walking my path every day, but instead of walking in fear and self-hatred. I walk with confidence and hope for the things that are to come. God is a giver of good gifts. Gifts that leave you fulfilled and completed. Jesus died for our freedom from the rocks of this life, so instead of living in shame and suffering, start living in the freedom that Jesus died for us to claim. Take the first step. Start walking your path. It will be worth it.
