Well, it’s that time of the month (no, not that time of month). You’re looking for something to shake up the normal routine you’ve settled in. Should you start a diet? Let’s be honest here, pizza is too good for that lie you’ll try to live for a week. Should you maybe hit up Monica, who you haven’t talked to in years? No, because there’s a perfectly good reason you and Monica haven’t talked in years. Instead, you want to try something simple.
This is where things get hairy (holy crap I’m good). A new haircut should give you that little lift and make you feel a bit different, right? Wrong. First, you have to sit there and decide on what exactly you want to do with current style you have now.
Do I want to dye my hair a certain color?
Yeah, dye it your favorite color (mine is green). The next best thing to do after that is try and go to a professional job interview (not looking at you, McDonald’s). Once you realize how bad of an idea that is, you really only have the choices of blonde, brown, red, or black. Welcome to being basic
.
This is you after you realize the mistake you made.
Do I want to look like that one celebrity or should I go with a trendy look?
The answer is neither. Celebrities are celebrities and they can pull off anything (except 2007 Britney Spears). Trendy looks will go out once you decide to actually get one.
She can pull it off, but not you.
I’ll just try something new!
For the love of God, don't.
Second, you have to sit and wait (depending on where you go). For most guys up here, it’s at Woody’s, where you better hope your phone has service or you have to make awkward eye contact with the barbers and/or those who are already getting their haircuts. For ladies, I have absolutely no idea where they go. I always assumed it was “back home” or in Atlanta.
Now, here comes the worst part: it’s your turn to sit in the chair. You look at yourself in the mirror and think, “I need this, I know it’ll look good!” As you explain the style you want, you notice the hairperson (because there are too many titles to be respectable) either gives a concerned glance or tries to change it up. However, you convince them that this is what you want, and it begins.
The first few minutes aren’t too bad; “This is going to be amazing!” you think to yourself. Once things start getting there, you realize the grave mistake you just made. Hair you think you want to keep is either buzzed, chopped, cut, *insert another synonym for cutting* right off. Your once “great” vision of the new do is now slowly coming apart. Minutes seem like hours as you just stare at your reflection in the mirror.
Once the tragedy is over, the hairperson asks if you like it. Because you’re too nice of a person and don’t want to hurt their feelings, you just let out a pitiful “it’s good…” You hand the money over and walk out the store, not feeling confident at all. Back in your car, you furiously look at all the mirrors to see the horrible creation you’ve made. For some unknown reason, you think posting a selfie with a cute caption like, “new do, new me *insert dolphin emoji*” will help everything out. Of course, since no one (and I mean no one) is mean on social media, you get likes and a few comments. You feel better now, but the thought is still in the back of your head. Also, what does a dolphin have anything to do with your haircut? It's not like because you cut your hair, you're suddenly one of the most majestic creatures in the sea.
Confronting friends and asking them about it doesn’t help either; “Um, yeah, it looks awesome!” they’ll say, clearly lying to you like Monica did. Have no fear though, hair (usually) grows back and then you’ll have another chance to mess it all up. If you have a bad haircut story, feel free to leave it down below.
*Disclaimer: I have no idea why I wrote a "that time of the month" joke. I'm single and have never been a girl long enough to know what that is.
